Spiritual Direction without Bypassing: A 4-part Series

What does spiritual bypassing look like in the work of spiritual direction? What is spiritual bypassing anyway? 

Spiritual bypassing happens when we use spiritual language or practices to avoid what is real, embodied, and asking for our attention. In spiritual direction, wisdom does not always arise through calm or clarity. Sometimes it emerges through anger, grief, restlessness, or movement. The task of the spiritual director is not to rush the directee toward resolution, but to stay present to what is alive—trusting that the Spirit is already at work in the body, the emotions, and the moment itself.

Over on Wisdom Tree Collective's blog, I further offer my thoughts. You can read them by clicking on each title: 

Spiritual Direction without Bypassing: When the Body Leads
“I feel crunched and crushed,” she said.

It was an online spiritual direction session, and this was how my directee—a college professor—began the call.

She went on to describe the anger and angst she felt living within society’s grind culture and the relentless pressure it places on people. This pressure compounded her rage over national and international events and the persistent question of how to bring meaningful change in the midst of it all. How could there be peace under such weight?

She was surrounded by demands on her time, demands on her heart, demands on her mind. From parenting to professor-ing, pressure pressed in on all sides.

I could see the anger and frustration coursing through her...


Spiritual Direction without Bypassing: When Meaning-Making Comes too Soon
“Mom, now is not the time for meaning-making!” my teenager said to me.

Instantly, I knew what she meant—and I apologized.

I have a habit of looking for deeper meaning, of going beneath the surface of things. That impulse is not inherently bad. But when it happens too soon, it bypasses what needs to be felt and tended to in the moment. It skips over the heart of the person right in front of me.

Her words stirred a memory of a time when this happened to me.
In the middle of a painful event, someone told me they were glad it was happening because I would become a better leader as a result. Was it true? Perhaps. But it was premature...


Spiritual Direction without Bypassing: When Silence Comes too Soon
Silence and stillness are central to contemplative spirituality.

They can open us to God, deepen awareness, and restore our nervous systems—which in turn affects our relationships, communities, and the world. But even these sacred practices can become forms of spiritual bypassing when offered without discernment.

In spiritual direction, silence is often assumed to be neutral or inherently wise. Yet silence is never neutral...


Spiritual Direction without Bypassing: Growing Our Window of Tolerance
A few weeks ago, my college-age daughter shared with me that something I had said to her in sixth grade had become part of her inner critic.

She told me that whenever a paper or project was assigned, she would hear my voice in her ear asking if she had been working on it. That voice pushed her already stressed self to try harder...