Common Questions
What should I expect at my first session of spiritual direction?
You'll be welcomed and offered a cup of tea or glass of water! Or, if we're meeting via Skype, please feel free to have your own in hand. We'll talk about the disclosure form you've read and signed and answer any questions you might have. Then I'll invite you to share your story of choosing to come to spiritual direction and your spiritual background. From there you'll get a choice of how to enter the time which is the regular way of beginning future sessions. You might choose a guided prayer, silence, meditative Scripture-reading or jump right into an issue for discernment. Every person's session looks different, but expect a peaceful atmosphere and gentle guidance into a time of listening, reflecting and sharing.
How often does someone meet with a spiritual director?
The normal rhythm for spiritual direction is one hour once a month. Some people like every other month. Others choose to receive spiritual direction at each silent retreat they attend.
Why pay for spiritual direction? Shouldn't it be free?
Just like any professional, many spiritual directors charge a fee for their services. Like therapists, a good spiritual director has received proper training from an accredited school/training program. Here are some other reasons...
Is every spiritual director the same?
There may be commonalities but, just like therapists, spiritual directors differ in their training and approach. While all have studied faith development and discernment, spiritual directors reflect the training programs they went through as well as their own backgrounds, interests and personalities. Some have been trained in the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius and so primarily utilize Ignatian spirituality. Others have training in other ancient spiritual practices as well as dreamwork, breathwork, yoga, Reiki, soul-shaping conversation, poetry, journal-keeping, pilgrimage, nutrition or other ways of caring for the soul. Find out where your spiritual director received his/her training and what a session with them might look like.
Do I have to continue with my same spiritual director forever?
Not at all! You should never feel stuck with a spiritual director. Just as several people have shaped you spiritually over the course of your life, it's normal to have different spiritual directors who walk alongside you as well. We may be led to a particular director for a particular "leg of our journey." After one or a few sessions you may feel that he or she is not right for you, it's perfectly fine to let them know that you are led elsewhere (we much prefer this to just "disappearing"!). I'd recommend once you find one you "click with," to journey with them for at least a year. However, some may meet with one for many years and discern their time together is heading toward a close. The last session will offer a time of sharing, closure and blessing.
For example, I've met with five spiritual directors. I changed after a few sessions with one because the commute was too long & she did not offer Skype direction. My second director shifted into being my supervisor whom I still meet with after 11 years. After journeying for five years with another director, I realized my soul was craving more engagement with silence and the imagination rather than strictly a conversational-style session. After a year with another director, we mutually discerned that our theological differences were too much of a hindrance. I've been with my present director, a Sister of Mercy, for two years now. I'm grateful for the valuable presence and insights of all five!
Do I have to go to church or be a Christian to go to a spiritual director?
No you don't! There are spiritual directors found in all religious traditions. Spiritual direction is for anyone who wants to explore their spiritual life and care of the soul. I will begin with you wherever you are on your journey, observe and listen alongside you. It's simply helpful to know that I come from a Christian background and have found my faith deepened not only through my own religious tradition but also through the writers and practices of other belief systems.
The church has often been a hurtful place for some, is spiritual direction a safe place?
Spiritual direction is often found to be a safe place by those who've been "burned" by the institutional church. However, given the diversity of theological backgrounds of spiritual directors, you'll want to check to see if they align with your theology and beliefs. Since spiritual direction is a ministry of hospitality for the soul, I desire to reflect this deep hospitality by welcoming and affirming all, regardless of age, race, gender, sexual orientation or physical abilities.
Are others ever nervous or hesitant about meeting with a spiritual director for the first time?
They sure are! Read about their experiences at What Others Are Saying.
You'll be welcomed and offered a cup of tea or glass of water! Or, if we're meeting via Skype, please feel free to have your own in hand. We'll talk about the disclosure form you've read and signed and answer any questions you might have. Then I'll invite you to share your story of choosing to come to spiritual direction and your spiritual background. From there you'll get a choice of how to enter the time which is the regular way of beginning future sessions. You might choose a guided prayer, silence, meditative Scripture-reading or jump right into an issue for discernment. Every person's session looks different, but expect a peaceful atmosphere and gentle guidance into a time of listening, reflecting and sharing.
How often does someone meet with a spiritual director?
The normal rhythm for spiritual direction is one hour once a month. Some people like every other month. Others choose to receive spiritual direction at each silent retreat they attend.
Why pay for spiritual direction? Shouldn't it be free?
Just like any professional, many spiritual directors charge a fee for their services. Like therapists, a good spiritual director has received proper training from an accredited school/training program. Here are some other reasons...
- We don't think twice about paying for our physical or mental health, why do our expectations change for our spiritual health? Some spiritual directors are on staff with a church so can offer their services for "free" while others work in a consultant role with churches. These churches decide whether to cover a certain number of sessions or amount per session. Seeing the benefit of regular care for the soul, some churches choose to not only do the former but pay for ongoing spiritual direction for their staff members.
- "Where your treasure is there your heart will be also." These words of Jesus (Matt. 6; Luke 12) can remind us that we spend money on what we truly value. We tend to be more committed to that which money is attached.
Is every spiritual director the same?
There may be commonalities but, just like therapists, spiritual directors differ in their training and approach. While all have studied faith development and discernment, spiritual directors reflect the training programs they went through as well as their own backgrounds, interests and personalities. Some have been trained in the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius and so primarily utilize Ignatian spirituality. Others have training in other ancient spiritual practices as well as dreamwork, breathwork, yoga, Reiki, soul-shaping conversation, poetry, journal-keeping, pilgrimage, nutrition or other ways of caring for the soul. Find out where your spiritual director received his/her training and what a session with them might look like.
Do I have to continue with my same spiritual director forever?
Not at all! You should never feel stuck with a spiritual director. Just as several people have shaped you spiritually over the course of your life, it's normal to have different spiritual directors who walk alongside you as well. We may be led to a particular director for a particular "leg of our journey." After one or a few sessions you may feel that he or she is not right for you, it's perfectly fine to let them know that you are led elsewhere (we much prefer this to just "disappearing"!). I'd recommend once you find one you "click with," to journey with them for at least a year. However, some may meet with one for many years and discern their time together is heading toward a close. The last session will offer a time of sharing, closure and blessing.
For example, I've met with five spiritual directors. I changed after a few sessions with one because the commute was too long & she did not offer Skype direction. My second director shifted into being my supervisor whom I still meet with after 11 years. After journeying for five years with another director, I realized my soul was craving more engagement with silence and the imagination rather than strictly a conversational-style session. After a year with another director, we mutually discerned that our theological differences were too much of a hindrance. I've been with my present director, a Sister of Mercy, for two years now. I'm grateful for the valuable presence and insights of all five!
Do I have to go to church or be a Christian to go to a spiritual director?
No you don't! There are spiritual directors found in all religious traditions. Spiritual direction is for anyone who wants to explore their spiritual life and care of the soul. I will begin with you wherever you are on your journey, observe and listen alongside you. It's simply helpful to know that I come from a Christian background and have found my faith deepened not only through my own religious tradition but also through the writers and practices of other belief systems.
The church has often been a hurtful place for some, is spiritual direction a safe place?
Spiritual direction is often found to be a safe place by those who've been "burned" by the institutional church. However, given the diversity of theological backgrounds of spiritual directors, you'll want to check to see if they align with your theology and beliefs. Since spiritual direction is a ministry of hospitality for the soul, I desire to reflect this deep hospitality by welcoming and affirming all, regardless of age, race, gender, sexual orientation or physical abilities.
Are others ever nervous or hesitant about meeting with a spiritual director for the first time?
They sure are! Read about their experiences at What Others Are Saying.