Being Holy Week, let's allow the art of German priest and artist, Sieger Köder (1925-2015), to lead us in meditation.  "The Eucharist" or "Communion Table" is the subject for these two paintings that will receive our contemplative gaze.

Look closely at the first, depicting Jesus and his disciples at the Last Supper found in Mark 14, Luke 22, and John 13.

Look: What or who catches your eye?  Let your eyes rest there for a moment.  
Notice: What stirs in you?  Feelings, bodily sensations, thoughts/questions/curiosities...    
Ask:  "God, what are you saying to me through this painting?"  
Listen:  Pay attention to any words, images, memories, scriptures, songs, feelings, etc. that may arise. You might choose to journal.  

Now look at the second painting below with those from the 1940's WWII-era with the risen Christ.  A Jew, prostitute, beggar, clown, scholar, rich woman (maybe a widow), and wounded African guest worker with Nazi concentration camp pajamas have been invited (and have come!) to the table.   You might repeat the above questions or focus in on a particular person at the table.       

Look: Who catches your eye?  Or, who do you most identify with or feel resistance towards?    
Notice: What does this person stir in you?  Feelings, bodily sensations, thoughts/curiosities...   
Ask:  "God, what are you showing or saying to me through this person?"  
Listen:  Pay attention to any words, images, memories, scriptures, songs, feelings, etc. that may arise. You might choose to journal.

Now let both paintings dance together.  What do you notice?  Is there a theme in what is being communicated to you through the paintings?  Are you aware of any invitations?  

Like parables, Sieger Köder's paintings contain many layers of meaning.  There are endless ways to engage them, like entering one or both of the paintings through your imagination as an observer, one who joins Jesus at the table, or is the face of Christ for those present.  What happens next? 

Whatever happens next, may your time at the table speak to your soul and lead you further on the path of and toward Life.   

This may be figurative for you as in, “There’s no going back to church as it was before the pandemic.” Or it may be literal, as in, "I'm not going back…period."
 
I have heard both.  Pastors and parishioners come to spiritual direction wrestling with what the future looks like for their particular church and the Church as a whole.

Others come with the discovery that church attendance was part of a checklist they found relief from during the pandemic when it was no longer something they “had to do” because they couldn’t do it! 
 
But things are beginning to open up.  As more people receive vaccines and mask-mandates are lifted, some are feeling a growing pressure to figure out what they’re going to do when it comes to church (this includes pastors!).
 
Some tell me how much they miss being with their congregation and cannot wait to go back to in-person worship without the worry of virus spread.  While these folks have regularly tuned-in to online worship, just thinking of returning to the building brings joy.  It will be a type of homecoming to a family and place they long to see and be. 

Yet this is not the sentiment of everyone.
 
Two months into the pandemic, a long-time church-goer said to me, “It’s astounding how little I miss church.  That's definitely saying something to me.” 

This person regularly comes to spiritual direction and regularly helps those in need, yet they have experienced a growing disconnect with their church over the past few years.  The pandemic only heightened, or brought to the surface, what was covered by obligation and comparison.  While those around them seemed to be enjoying and feeling nourished by the Sunday morning service, everything felt forced and inauthentic to them.  
 
In spiritual direction they recalled continuously leaving spiritually starving and angry.  They recounted every positive-thinking, heart-opening spiritual practice they have tried…and nothing changed.  Their discontent and disgust just grew.  The pandemic was in some ways a grace, offering a break from the inner turmoil of whether they should stay or leave.  
 
Overly-simplistic truths like “Church is the people not the building” offer little help because church and church-going can be complicated depending on one’s personality, childhood, personal beliefs, and present experience of church-going and church-people.  I know this, because I, too, have wrestled for decades, and continue to wrestle, with all that is intertwined with church/Church.  
 
It’s been a long, liminal space for everyone.  This threshold, or in-between time, can lead to deep questions or the acceptance of a clarity that has been clouded over by a sense of coerced duty and/or loyalty (whether the pressure comes from within or without).
 
Could leaving church actually be a sign of spiritual growth?  It just may be.
 
My directee craves more than their congregation can offer.  They want to go places theologically and spiritually their congregation is unwilling—perhaps unable—to go. Conversations have failed to lead to Shalom (peace and wholeness). 

Even after many years, they may need to heed Jesus' call in Matthew 10, to “shake the dust from your feet” and leave.  No need to demonize the pastor or congregation, it’s simply time to move on and continue one’s journey on and toward the path of Life.  It’s not easy.  There’s no one-size-fits-all way of leaving a place and people one had hoped would be life-giving.
 
It requires a lot of trust.

As my directee has wrestled with their discernment, I have never given them reasons to stay or leave or suggestions on how to stay or leave.  I just listened.  Ways of wisdom always arise as we release our stranglehold and wait for God's guidance (for the Holy Spirit is the true Spiritual Director, after all!).
 
So whether you are joyfully anticipating resurrection through returning to a beloved congregation or grieving the realization that you need to let something die for belovedness (including beloved community) to be born again, spiritual direction is a safe place during the in-between.  
 
In spiritual direction, you will find permission to let your own inner wisdom be your guide.  Allow the feelings of pressure and dread to speak.  Listen to what your body has to say.  Pay attention to the images your soul is offering.  Become aware of patterns in the ways God has been at work in your own life story.   
 
For God has been and always will be fully present to you and in you.  The fullness of God's presence is equally with the person who worships in a church building (with 15 or 5000 people) as with the person who worships in ways that do not include a church building and its congregation.
 
To a group of young men, 13th century mystic, scholar, and Dominican priest, Meister Eckhart, said: "Whoever truly possesses God in the right way, possesses him in all places: on the street, in any company, as well as in a church or a remote place or in their cell…” (Walshe, 2008, Talks of Instruction, 6).  He also once said, 

Cats should be the mascot of contemplation. 

They have resting awareness down. 

Some people think contemplation is laziness, but this is far from the truth.  “Doing nothing so God can do everything” is hard work! 

It takes an active, yet relaxed, vigilance to stay present rather than follow the mind into the past or future where regret and worry reign.  But like a good Zen master, the cat can teach us.

"Every single creature is full of God and is a book about God.  Every creature is a word of God," Meister Eckhart proclaimed in the late 13th century.  I find this to be true as I spend time with my cat.  Listening and watching with the ears and eyes of my soul, I discover she has a lot to teach me.  Here's some advice she offers...    

5 feline tips for contemplation (also known as "contemplative catnaps"): 

1. If you can find a sunbeam, do.  (Sit in it.  And sit with this simple wisdom for a while!)
2. Close your eyes. (Or allow a soft squint downward, third eyelid is optional…humans may need sunglasses if outside during a windy day.)
3. Rest with alertness. (There is a time to fall asleep but it’s not now!  Only 25% of a cat’s napping is deep sleep, the other 75% is relaxed awareness.)
4. Be fully present. (Listen, feel, intuit all that is around you.  How often do you do that anyway?  When safe, relax into your surroundings.  Welcome all noises or flying balls coming from your 4th grade furless family member…or anything else that is part of your present moment…knowing you can remain at ease.)
5. Remember to practice this every day!  (You’ll have the energy and insight you need for the dark.)

 
Cats make contemplation look simple.  While simple, it can be challenging.  Surrender and serenity are daily exercises that may look different each day!  A routine-loving cat still changes nap spots, so how do surrender and serenity look for you today?
  
Watch a cat for a while and allow the Spirit of God, which enlivens both you and the cat, to speak to you through this furry part of Creation.    

I did not think I could do spiritual direction without my dog.

She had been there from the beginning with her soulful eyes.  She knew when to sit on a directee's lap, cuddle up beside them, or stay on my lap looking and listening.  ​Her presence and gaze was the topic of conversation during many spiritual direction appointments. 

"It's like she's looking into my soul!" one young seminary student exclaimed. 

"In my vision, it was your dog that helped me have courage and assured me that I would not fall into darkness; how did she know to come sit with me at just that moment?!" a stay-at-home mom said with wonder-filled eyes. 

​When asked to sum up what God had been offering him through spiritual direction, the aerospace engineer who cultivated a Zen garden in his backyard, replied, "The image is Annie, your dog. God has shown me grace through her." 

My miniature dachshund and I were partners.  So when faced with sitting with people by myself, I did not think I had what it took.  I was convinced it would not be as powerful of an experience for people.  I relayed my fears to Father Carl Arico while on a Contemplative Outreach retreat in Sewanee, Tennessee.  And while he believed I would be just fine, he suggested I set out a photo so that she would continue to be with me during the time of spiritual direction. 

It was then that I understood how God had companioned me through her during my beginning stages of being a spiritual director.  She had modeled ways of listening and discernment, showing me it was not about what I knew, or about any kind of performance, but how I was with people that mattered most.  Through her, God had been present to me.       

Countless times since then I have met with people whose best (& many times only) experience of the unconditional love of God has come through their dogs.  Because of my own experience of how a dog can be a vessel of the Divine, I pay special attention to the relationship people have with their pets.  And I integrate this relationship into prayers and spiritual practices, because the love they give counts.

So maybe you are one of the people who need to hear that the way your dog loves you is God loving you through your dog.  If that's the case, a spiritual practice for you is spending more time with your dog! 

I know a woman who has three precious dogs, I call them her visible Trinity.  Being with them is so life-giving, filling her with such love, that she is able to be in the world and interact with people differently than before the time with them.  Her dogs usher her into the mind of Christ and is that not what the best spiritual practices do for us?    

I don't have much to say today.  Although I have much on my mind. 

It's the one anniversary of the destructive tornados in my city of Mt. Juliet, TN, and surrounding area, followed by news of the pandemic days later.  Maybe you are just as astonished and speechless as me when it comes to how much the world has changed in one year.  

I read Ecclesiastes with different eyes, I can tell you that!