Mean Self-Talk, Yin and Yang, & Shalom
Our self-talk can be mean.
In clients young and old, I notice how they often beat themselves up for not living up to their spiritual ideals.
In their voices I hear the longing to “be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48). And I also hear the guilt, self-blame, and even name-calling that result when falling short.
I listen with empathy. Why? I resonate with the 1 on the Enneagram (those who can be perfection-driven and overly familiar with an inner critic) and I grew up in a culture expecting high-level morality as a reflection of being a "good girl" and following Jesus, so I get it.
One of the reasons I love being a Spiritual Director is the experience and wanting others to experience the gift of new eyes to see.
For instance, we will always fall short and give the inner critic plenty of fodder if we read that scripture in Matthew in terms of moral perfection rather than wholeness or “shalom.”
Shalom is Hebrew (the language of the Jewish lineage of Jesus) for “peace, wholeness, & completeness.” The Greek language used in the writing of the New Testament chose "perfect" as the translation of "teleios." Another look into the original language reveals that it has multiple meanings—“perfect, whole, & complete.”
Reading this same line from Matthew, substitute, “perfect” with “whole” and notice your inner response:
Be whole as your heavenly Father is whole.
Being whole includes our imperfections (which, like the Chinese symbol of yin & yang, includes both darkness and light to complete the circle).
God is fully with us in both. The Psalmist discovered this in wondering if he could hide from God's Presence, but finally declared, "for darkness is as light to you" (Psalm 139:12). The prophet Isaiah, went a step further with God proclaiming that “I form the light and create darkness” (45:7).
We humans often do not know which is which and not seeing from a deeper, nondual, perspective, label one good (light) and the other bad (darkness). The natural world can teach us how light and dark are interrelated, complementary parts of Creation. Be outside on a blistering hot day without any shade and you will long for the goodness of darkness and bemoan how too much light is bad.
In the same way, we rush to label our own imperfections as “bad.”
But Saint Paul had a different experience, he saw an inseparable relationship between his imperfections and God’s strength. In II Corinthians 12:9, he exclaims “I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
More times than I can count, I have experienced God working through my weaknesses and failures. Looking back I can also see how God was present with me in darkness, though I may have been unable to see it at the time. As I recall these stories, I soften toward myself and my self-talk reflects the gentleness of the Spirit of God.
I imagine the same is true of you. As you look back at times of darkness, weakness and failure, what goodness can you find that came from it or occurred right in the middle of it?
Perhaps you are being given new eyes to see how the Spirit has been (and is) working in and through every part of you—that’s wholeness. That’s the perfection of God.
And knowing this, perhaps you soften toward and speak to yourself with gentleness—and experience “Shalom.”
Sometimes it takes the gentle guidance of a Spiritual Director to help you see your own story and the Sacred Presence in a new way. To find out more about Spiritual Direction, go here.
The Heart of Spiritual Direction: A Poem
is the heart of Spiritual Direction
A holy welcome saying,
"Your soul is safe here."
Free of judgement or agenda
Suspending disbelief and storylines
at the Table within
for the wild, unpredictable Spirit
Who certainly knows you
better than I know you, and even
better than you know yourself
Who has always been
and yet is always being sent
To companion, comfort, heal,
grow, and guide
Helping you notice and taste
goodness and truth
in, around, and through you
That you may learn to trust
(maybe be surprised by!)
and the invitations of
this Inner Voice of Love
Who brings good fruit
from the Wisdom Tree
to the celebration of
your Authentic Presence
who knows what you need
in this moment
at the Table
of Divine Nourishment.
Do You Feel at Home in Your Body?
Do you feel safe in your own body? Do you feel at home?
Embodied spirituality is spirituality with skin on. After all, any kind of experience we have, spiritual or otherwise, is because we exist within these bodies of ours!
An authentic spirituality is one in which we tend to both the inner and outer world. Our body is tended to as part of the whole where spirituality and physicality are intertwined.
We see this gift and mystery of incarnation in John 1:14, “The Word became flesh and dwelt among us.” Several thousand years before these words were penned, the Hebrew Bible spoke of the “nephesh” or “soul.” Rather than the Platonic idea of something that is separate from the body, "soul" in the Hebrew language indicated a unified, living, breathing physical being (so “soul” is not something we have, but something we are!).
Viewed this way, our thoughts about and tending to our bodies can (and need to) be part of our spiritual practice.
Our bodies can also tend to us by offering wisdom and guidance.
As I participated in the spontaneity of Authentic Movement one day, my right hand effortlessly went to my heart while my left hand went to my back. I stood there for a moment, wondering what was being communicated to me. It took a few minutes for my rational mind to catch the meaning and make it conscious: “Support your heart” was my body’s message to me.
This led me to purposely engage some heart-opening stretches and heart-grounding exercises. The message still stayed with me until I realized that it was another season in my life that I needed to pursue a therapist, one who could help me with some painful relationships and the release of stress and grief related to those relationships.
Tears came to my eyes with this moment of recognition. My body felt like a caring friend.
I often do not treat it as such. Especially when I get caught up in judgement and critique, then I'm apt to be harsh toward or ignore my body.
As Father Richard Rohr has said, "How we see anything is how we see everything!"
If I'm evaluating, judging, and critiquing my body, I'm more apt to be evaluating, judging, and critiquing everything (& everyone) else!
And the opposite is true, as I welcome and listen for Wisdom through my body, I'm more apt to welcome and listen for Wisdom in everything (& everyone) else!
In listening and tending, I become a safer, more hospitable place--and not just for myself.
This is no selfish pursuit...for when we feel at home in our own bodies, we can help others feel at home in their bodies, too. If you do not feel at home in your body, you are not alone. There are many reasons why we may not feel safe in our own bodies. There are stories of wounds behind our reluctance to listen to, or even believe, our bodies hold Wisdom.
Maybe, it's time to schedule a session with a Spiritual Director or a therapist!
The first time I engaged Authentic Movement last month, I knew it was the spiritual practice I had been looking for during this particular season of my life!
While I appreciate a variety of moving meditations and body practices such as qigong and yoga, Authentic Movement invited me to be surprised by spontaneity.
I had no idea how my body wanted to move and I was not going to tell it how to move...I was going to let it show me!
Following the gentle promptings of Spiritual Director, Julie Leavitt, during her workshop on "Authentic Movement and the Sacred Body" at Spiritual Directors International's virtual conference, I was curious as to why my body was moving like an inflatable air dancer.
After the time of movement, I sat down and wrote these words,
"I am the one who is encouraged to move big and freely, to move in the natural way my body leads rather than listening to or moving according to 'shoulds.' God says to me,
'You are free.
You are free to move.
You are free to speak, create.
Follow what is natural.
You are grounded,
do not be afraid.'
This is a practice I've been looking for! A way of trusting the inner wisdom flowing through the body."
It spoke right into what had been weighing heavy on me. Who knew that in moving like an inflatable air dancer, my body would offer me such grounding and affirmation?!
After that, I decided to not only continue a weekly practice of Authentic Movement, but keep this in my spiritual toolbox for any directee that needed to get into their body.
Not surprising, the following week, two people were in need of listening to the wisdom flowing through their bodies. Their experience of Authentic Movement is best summed up by one who afterwards, sat down and much to her mind's surprise said, "Whoa, I just had a mystical experience!"
No matter how large or small the movement, the Spirit of God can speak.
Want to give it a try?
*If you have a compassionate witness present like a Spiritual Director, you might allow them to simply share with you what they observed and/or continue with what you experienced in your time of Spiritual Direction.
Kasey is a scarf, ball and club juggling spiritual director just outside of Nashville, TN. Play helps her Type-A, Enneagram 1 personality relax, creating space for poetry and other words to emerge. She also likes playing with theological ideas like perichoresis, and all the ways we're invited into this Triune dance.