We all experience the "voice" of the Sacred Presence. Whether or not we pay attention or correctly identify it requires ongoing discernment.  One thing is for certain, it's hard when you're hangry (hungry + angry)!

On Sunday mornings, my family spends a little time in guided prayer. We often get ideas from Imaginative Prayer for Youth Ministry: A Guide to Transforming Your Students' Spiritual Lives into Journey, Adventure, and Encounter by Jeannie Oestreicher and Larry Warner (I'd use this resource even if I didn't have kids!). 

The past two weeks, we were "present" in the desert with the exhausted Elijah who needed to rest and eat.  Then we were with Elijah again as he experienced God's voice.  We, too, received God's invitation to rest and eat in the desert as well as recognized God's voice as we stood beside Elijah on the mountain.  

After some time in silent reflection, we share what we experienced.  I'll share mine.

"What are you doing here?" is the question Elijah hears God say to him in I Kings 19:13, twice.  
As I stood at the mouth of the cave on the mountain in my mind's eye, I realized the power of gentleness through that question.  It took me a while, though.  The first time, I felt criticized.

Tone matters.  How we hear God's question to us reveals our current condition, our image of God, and how we interpret and then respond to the question.  

When I am exhausted, I can hear things in a particular way that perhaps the speaker never intended.  I can also miss things the person intended me to hear.  My response often reflects my tone deafness.  My husband and kids can attest to this! 

Only after resting and eating, did Elijah have the strength and ability to look, listen, and recognize God's response to his complaint.  

In Chapter 19 of the book of I Kings in the Hebrew Scriptures (Old Testament of the Bible), we're told that God had Elijah go stand on the mountain and watch for the Lord.  A whirlwind, earthquake, and fire came and Elijah did not recognize God in them.  It was in what followed the fire...a gentle whisper (the sound of sheer silence some translations say)...that Elijah recognized the voice of God.  And God asked Elijah for the second time, "What are you doing here?"

The second time, I became curious as to how we were all hearing it in our imaginations.  I had my family try something after the time in silence. You can try it, too: 

• Imagine God saying, "What are you doing here?" with a rock-shattering voice.  What do you notice? 
• Next, try an earth-shaking tone. What does it sound like to you?  How does your body respond?  
• Listen to it being asked with fiery-rage.  What's your experience of God at the moment?  What do you want to do in response?
• Now try this, imagine the same question spoken in a "gentle whisper."  Anything change for you?

For me, the question changed completely!  It went from a judgmental, accusing, you-should-be-doing-more tone, to one of care and concern.  The voice in the whisper reminded me of the caring words and actions of the angel of the Lord who had offered much needed rest and food to Elijah forty days earlier. 

And this reminded me of how the gentle whisper of God never fails to silence my inner critic and relax my body.  I no longer feel the urgent need to run and hide (or get compulsively busy).  When I listen to the still, small voice, I am ready to hear more-- even if that more is something that in a hangry moment I would not be open to hearing. Like, "What are you doing here?" which could be literal (in this physical place) or metaphorical (in this place in your life). 

God (& my family) knows that after food and rest, I am ready for an honest conversation!

____________________________

• What tone do you most imagine God having when speaking to you?
• When trying the different tones, how did your body & soul respond to each?  How does this help you identify which voice to trust?
• What do you most need right now in order to fully listen to what is being spoken to you?  
• What honest conversation do you need to have with the One who speaks to you in a gentle whisper?

How does your body let you know? 

Here's how mine lets me know that the chaos is starting to overwhelm:
My... 
...eyes feel strained and tired.
...brain feels like an electrical storm of overstimulation.
...breathing is shallow or I'm holding my breath.
...adrenaline surges, making it hard to be still.
...chest feels heavy and tight with anxiety.
...shoulders and neck get tense.
...head begins to ache from all of the above! 
 
This is a sure sign to me that it’s time to step away from the phone, stop scrolling through social media, or reading/watching/listening to the news.  I won’t find what I’m really looking (or longing for) anyway! 
 
And no, I'm not not talking dissociation (disconnecting with reality) and ignoring what is going on in the world.  I'm talking about connecting with reality as it is experienced and revealed by our bodies so that we can connect to reality as it is outside of our bodies in a healthy way.   

What if we asked ourselves, "Who is the me I'm bringing to the world (and to the issues at hand)?"  Am I bringing my frantic, survival self or my grounded, truer self?  Which would you prefer, by the way?

How do we do we connect with our true self (hint: not through more social media or news!)? 
By diving under the chaotic surface of the waves (remember they’re connected to the calming deep but few venture to go there!), we discover our truer self.  In the deep we surprisingly find we’re able to breathe, rest (physically & more!), and receive what’s next (or what isn’t next).
 
Instead of my frazzled, overstimulated, chaotic mind making decisions, I can bring to the world (& all its issues) the contemplative mind…the mind of Christ.
 
So here’s some permission.  Dive (or if you’re extremely tired, sink) into the deep for a while. 
 
Still don’t know how?  Are you breathing as you read this?  That is your starting place.  Then maybe some Spiritual Direction for further exploration.   

How many of you are giving, giving, giving?  Or producing, producing, producing? 
 
Years ago, a Spiritual Director offered me a great image after hearing my story of burnout as a youth pastor.  She said, “People in ministry often stand by the Well passing out cups of Living Water to others and forgetting to drink from it themselves!” 
 
How true!
 
I was so busy being productive and constantly giving of my time and energy that I had neglected my own soul.  I mistakenly thought my stamina and ability to be productive was soul food because after all, it was in service to God!   My subsequent burnout said differently.  EVERY area of my life was impacted…physical, emotional, mental, relational, & spiritual.  No area was left untouched because all areas are interconnected.
 
We have a tendency to separate the body and soul, but according to the Hebrew language, there is no division between the soul (“nephesh”) and the body.  So, YOU DON’T HAVE A SOUL YOU ARE A SOUL!  You may have heard this before, but it’s true.  You are a living, breathing, physical being, A WHOLE MADE UP OF MANY PARTS.  Any of those parts can be trying to get your attention and tell you the truth.
 
My own dualism 20 years ago, viewing my body as separate and of lesser importance than my soul caused me to not listen to the wisdom my body was offering me.  My body became a hurdle to my spiritual work and this was a major reason I burned out. 
 
Over the years, I’ve met with countless pastors, ministry leaders, those in nonprofits, and care-givers of all kinds who come to Spiritual Direction in a similar state…weary and parched from trying so hard, giving so much, and on the verge, if not in the middle, of burnout.
 
What were their indicators that their souls were parched?  Here are some…

• Chronic Dissatisfaction
• Cannot Turn off Brain/Overthinking
• Compulsively on Technology (Email, Social Media, News, etc.)
• Caffeine Overload &/or Exhaustion
• Feelings of Overwhelm or Numbness (with God, life, and others)
• Short Fuse or Perfectionism with Self & Others
• Inability to Be Still/Workaholism/“Slave to Shoulds”
• Chronic Headaches, Back/Neck Pain, Stomach Issues
• Sleeplessness, Repetitive Dreams &/or Nightmares
• Long-term Self-soothing over Self-caring practices

 
Any of these sound familiar? 
How about you, what are the indicators that your soul is parched?
 
I know Thanksgiving is coming up, but what if you stop giving to others just for a moment? 
 
Offer a cup of Living Water to yourself by listening.  Are there any parts of you (or your life) that are trying to get your attention?  Do you need help listening? Or help stopping?
 
Spiritual Direction is a great place to stop and listen for the wisdom within your own life, your own body.  I promise, these parts of you are eager for you to listen to the wisdom they hold.  They are only a moment’s notice away—and will give thanks when you finally pay attention!
 
Next week we’ll take a look at what your soul is craving (& it's more than pumpkin pie!).

“Must be hard being 10 and already going through dark night of the soul,” 14-year-old, Lainey, said as the two of us drove back from her fencing lessons.   
 
Her comment about her brother caught me off guard.
 
As a Spiritual Director, I companion adults going through Dark Night of the Soul, but I had not considered how children may, too.  I know that children suffer depression which in adults can coincide with Dark Night, but I had not seen Dark Night through a child’s eyes (even though our most memorable moments with God often happen when we are children).
 
For those not familiar with the concept, Dark Night is a stage in the spiritual journey that Saint John of the Cross experienced and wrote about in the 16th century.  He gave words to the “spiritual crisis” that occurs for those seeking union with God or to embody Perfect Love. 
 
Whether happening gradually or initiated through a tragedy or hardship, Dark Night can be felt as emptiness and dryness.  Our go-to spiritual practices no longer “work.”  Those activities and places of belonging that once brought us enjoyment, no longer do so.  We suffer disappointment, doubt, disorientation, discomfort, disillusionment, and even the utter disintegration of our thoughts and feelings about God, ourselves, and life.  In experiencing this loss and grief, depression can occur. 
 
We ask questions like, “Who am I?”  “Who and where is God?”  “What’s going on?”  “Why can’t things go back to ‘normal’?”  “What is normal anyway?”  “Will this ever end?”
 
This liminal space is entered into many times in our lives as we find ourselves in places and situations we would rather not be (like in a pandemic!).  We are in that “in-between” of who we were before and who will be after…it’s definitely uncomfortable.  My 10-year-old joins the rest of the planet in this communal Dark Night of the Soul.
 
He’s asking, “Who am I?”  “Who are my friends?” “Do I even have friends anymore?” “Will friends recognize me when I do go back to school?”  “Is virtual school even school?” “Will I ever play baseball or basketball again?”  “Will I even love sports again?”  “Things are too stressful in the world right now, is it always going to be like this?”
 
Now here’s what makes Dark Night different from depression.  When depressed, it’s a good idea to seek counseling and/or receive medication which hopefully helps us emerge from the darkness of depression with great relief.  And while there may be inner relief from the suffering (which is something to celebrate), there may not be inner transformation.  One may be grateful to simply return to oneself.        
 
During a Dark Night, rather than seeking a way out of the darkness, we are led deeper into it (a Spiritual Director is really helpful in the dark!).  This is the place where God loosens our attachments to all we may mistake for God, life, and our true selves. 

It can be painful to have these attachments revealed and painful to let go of them.  After all, we might really love being known as the athlete, whether spiritual or baseball!  We might cherish the feeling we get in imaging and relating to God in a certain way. 
 
However, when we emerge from Dark Night, we not only find relief but we are also transformed.  We no longer see or exist in the world in the same way we did prior to the darkness.  In other words, we do not return to ourselves, but are a new, truer Self!           
 
An expanded heart is the fruit of the Dark Night.  We see God, ourselves, and the world in deeper and wider ways and we are free to love God, ourselves, and the world in deeper and wider ways.
 
A different 14-year-old girl shared an image that came to her during our Girls’ Group-time of listening to the instrumental song, Unfolding.  It offers a beautiful and striking image of what it’s like to come through Dark Night of the Soul:

As a Spiritual Director, I’m on the lookout for “fake Jesus.” 
 
Whether during the very first session or sometime later through conversation, Ignatian contemplation or other kinds of guided prayer, the Jesus that a person has internalized arises.
 
Remember, a person doesn’t have to be a Christian to have an image of Jesus that dwells within them, impacting the way they think about or view anything Jesus-related.
 
Our image of Jesus, like our image of God, matters. 
 
This image is often pieced together in childhood.  Early paper cutouts with fuzzy backs stuck to flannel boards, the voice and actions of a parent, pastor, or Sunday School teacher, experiences in Vacation Bible School, childhood books and pictures...
 
In fact, it appears that even the Gospel writers may have pieced together a “Jesus” that didn’t always align with the authentic Jesus.  Stephen Mitchell in his book, The Gospel According to Jesus: A New Translation and Guide to His Essential Teachings for Believers and Unbelievers, reveals how the early church writers included not only words and actions that Jesus likely said and did (since he didn't write anything down himself), BUT they also included words and actions they and their community needed him to say or do to fit their own beliefs! 

If what “Jesus” says is in opposition to the authentic Jesus’ main teachings (especially loving God and your neighbor as yourself), there’s a good chance the writer is making Jesus in his own image.  This same “making-Jesus-in-our-own-image”  and having him align with our own beliefs is on blatant display this political season!
 
Now rather than being threatened by Mitchell’s idea, I find it’s helpful in developing skills in discernment.  Remember, Scripture is “living” which means it “speaks” to us as we wrestle with it (which is to join in the lineage of the literal name of Israel!).   It changes as we change and grow.  Try living with a particular text, a story, a single Scripture for a month and notice how it changes (& how it changes you)!  There is no end to new and deeper insights.     
 
Back to our images of Jesus…these images are rarely questioned. 
 
When an internal voice is associated with Jesus, a person automatically thinks it’s Jesus! 
So rather than simply agreeing with them, I listen to the person describe their interaction (always keeping in the back of my mind Jesus’ authentic teachings and his nature as revealed by his authentic teachings).  Sometimes I’ll hear them say things like “Jesus has to knock me upside my head to get my attention.” If during a guided prayer, a door or a place of darkness often appears, “Jesus” will tell them not to look or go through it, to only focus on the light. 
 
Curiosity is helpful here.  I’ll ask, “Whose voice does Jesus’ remind you of?” or “Why don’t you go back into your imagination and simply observe Jesus for a moment, what do you see?” 
 
Every single time, there is surprise. 
 
The response is often:
“My whole life I thought it was Jesus’ voice I was hearing but it was actually my father’s!”  

"Oh wow, now that I'm looking closer, He looks like a flannel board Jesus.  Kind of flimsy, not able to open the door.” 

“Jesus doesn’t really have much substance, he’s ghost-like, but as I watch he’s becoming more human.” 
 
And when Jesus becomes more human, more of his authentic self, they experience His great tenderness and strength.  In doing so, their own tenderness and strength is called forth. 

With this Jesus, they find they are able to open doors and enter into places of darkness they never thought they could.  With this Jesus, they are able to love the parts of themselves and the people they never thought possible. 

In other words, in coming in contact with the authentic Jesus, they are able to love their neighbor as they love themselves!      

It’s what we tend to do.  Most Christians have an entire theology built on it.  Someone/something must pay for others’ sins. 
 
Sin is burdensome, whether it’s our own or the world’s!

It can’t be ignored (at least not forever).  If ignored, it will still be felt in our physical bodies or relationships.  The more it's ignored, the greater the natural consequences from the unacknowledged harm to ourselves, others, and/or the created world.  So it’s no surprise that people have been trying to figure out what to do with the problem of sin for millennia.
 
We are a ritualistic people.  In Leviticus 16 found in the Hebrew Scriptures (Old Testament), it was a ritual with an actual goat (hence the term, “scapegoat”) that helped relieve the communal burden.  The impurities of the community were transferred to the goat through the “laying on of hands.” Then the goat was beaten and released into the wilderness to take away the sins of the Israelite people.  The despised goat symbolically took on their sins and carried them away from the community.  In the New Testament, the writer of the book of John records John the Baptist pointing out the role of the scapegoat being taken on by Jesus when he proclaims, "Behold, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world." 
 
It’s human nature to look for a scapegoat, especially when we do not want to or do not know how to deal with sin.  Watching small children (as well as our current politicians) will make that apparent quite quickly.  Their mantra: "Make it someone else’s fault!" 
 
It’s especially natural if we’ve grown up with a theology that espouses it.  It’s too easy to believe that when Jesus takes away my sin, I no longer have to deal with it or the consequences of it (someone else has paid the ultimate price after all).  The danger of this theology is that it can shift the focus to worshipping Jesus because of his offering of “fire insurance” for the life to come rather than following Jesus as a disciple in this one.
 
If we happen to be Christians who believe Jesus paid the price as the ultimate scapegoat (which made him the last needed scapegoat), why do we still continue to scapegoat others?—Democrats, Republicans, Black people, Indigenous people, White people, LGBTQ people, police officers, protestors, teachers, certain members of our families…
 
If Jesus is the ultimate scapegoat, that means we are now freed from scapegoating others! 

We are a ritualistic people in need of a new ritual.  If we don’t have anyone to blame or transfer our sin to, what happens next?

For those who have eyes to see, wisdom and spiritual nourishment are available to us everywhere, flowing through all religions, not just our own. 

Yet we may remain blind due to fear instilled in us early on about other religions by well-meaning adults. 

Rather than feel threatened, what if you allowed yourself to be curious like a child?  I wonder if you, too, might discover your life enriched through other religions’ theological truths.

The words of the Tao Te Ching have been especially meaningful to me.  I have read portions of this short 6th century “Book of the Way” credited to the Chinese sage, Lao Tzu, nearly every day for years. 

In it, one reads about what it is like to be in harmony with the Tao (the Way). 
And one is invited to be aligned with “Reality As It Is” in such a way that, like Jesus the Christ, one humbly becomes the Way.  In the language of Christian mystics, this is called “union with God.”   
​
Last night, I opened my pocket edition and saw my favorite passage staring back at me:

​Several years ago, a very murky, even scary, situation came up that required careful discernment as to the way forward.  Trying to figure out what to do, I was reminded of Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God.”  

I was also reminded of this passage from the Tao Te Ching. 

So I grabbed an old Mason jar and large spoon, put on my raincoat, and went outside. 

My kids were standing at the window watching with curiosity as I scooped sand from the sandbox and mud from the ground and put it in the jar while the rain kept pouring down.  Then I came back inside, filled the jar with water, sealed and shook it, then placed it on top of our television cabinet announcing, “When the mud settles, then I’ll make a decision.” 

They asked, “How long will it take?” 

“I have no idea,” I told them, “but it will eventually clear.  And the process can’t be rushed.”

What I watched externally started taking place within me…very slowly. 
The anger, fear, expectations, adrenaline, helplessness, judgments, confusion, all started to settle.  After a week, the sediment gave way to clarity. I could finally access “the mind of Christ” (“the Spirit within”) that is always there but can be hard to detect when my water is muddy.  

Surprisingly, or maybe not, the right action that arose was non-action (a theme of the Tao Te Ching!).  Even though everything in me wanted to defend myself, I knew I needed to stay silent and trust God.  It was and still is the right action in this particular situation.  

How about you?  Have you allowed yourself to receive wisdom and spiritual nourishment from other religions and traditions? If not, why?  If so, what have you discovered?  How has your faith changed or deepened? 

If you’d like to, but don't know where to start, I suggest the pocket edition of the Tao Te Ching!  

Have you considered how what you're viewing and listening to is impacting your inner and outer world?     

It doesn't take long to identify those ingesting one particular news outlet.  Rather than creative conversation, the topics brought up are a repetition of the latest headlines and talking points (complete with the most recent insults).  Rather than a wellspring of dialogue possibilities, it's more of a sinkhole--conversation erodes then collapses.

Seeing the impact of incessant intake of news during this politically charged season is easy, but what about the other channels and sites?  What about Hallmark, for instance?  

Sometimes a lovely surface is hiding a soon-to-be sinkhole.    

Now before you roll your eyes, let me explain.

In the past year I started noticing my chronic dissatisfaction. 

Nothing and no one was living up to expectations.  And guess what?  I realized that the Hallmark Now channel that we had a subscription for was a primary trigger! 

Every time I watched a movie or binged on a series, my idealism would be inflamed.   

Seeing those perfect little towns with their perfect flowers, lawns, and people would stir my own compulsive drive for perfection.  Each show would begin a subconscious comparison of my life to the idealized Hallmark version and my house and spouse always came up short.

One day my daughter and I were watching a show when she said, "I can hardly watch this stuff anymore.  It's supposed to be set in the old West and yet everyone is wearing makeup and their clothes never have any dirt on them!  It's not real."   She was right.  It was not real. 

And it was tempting me to strive for something other than life. 
Real life comes from accepting reality as it is (and the people found there), mess and all.  

So I canceled it.  

And much to my surprise, the chronic dissatisfaction dissipated!  It has brought much relief to my inner world (and to my family!).  

Who knew that a channel that seems so innocent and warm-hearted, would turn out to cause so much inner and outer distress?!  

What are you watching and listening to? 

Be curious.  How is it really impacting you?  How might it be influencing the way you view those around you?  

Is it time to change the channel, click out, or cancel the subscription?  

I told a friend the other day that as more political signs go up around me, the angrier I become.  Most assuredly I wouldn’t be as angry if they aligned with my own ideology…how telling! 
 
My reaction reminds me of the immense draw to live on the level of agreement. 
Do I agree or disagree?  If the latter, criticism comes quickly followed by detaching from the author, politician, doctor, Facebook friend, family member, neighbor…write them off…case closed, act as if everything is fine.     

But this kind of dissociation never works for me in the long run.  It's not case closed.  Pretending, ignoring, and stuffing feelings ultimately turns into back pain and headaches which is not loving myself (which then leads to the inability to truly love my neighbor).  See last week's post for more on loving oneself.
 
The growing rift, polarization, and lack of neighborliness leads me to ask, “Who is my neighbor?” 
I can’t help but think of Jesus’ parable of an enemy coming to one’s rescue in a time of need (see The Good Samaritan).  Or his words in the famous Sermon on the Mount,
 
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…" Matthew 5: 43-44
 
Ugh.  How do you actually do this?

Realizing that we see our own reflection in the faces of others—both the shadow and the light—can add to the pressure.   The shadow within is hard enough to face, it can be twice as hard when I see it in the face of others (if I’m even willing to admit I do)!
 
Who wants to admit that the narcissism detested in someone else can be a mirror reflecting the narcissism residing within one's self?  Note: This doesn’t excuse or downplay the narcissistic actions by the other. 
 
When Jesus boldly expanded on his Jewish lineage saying that not only are our neighbors those who belong to our family/group and those on the margins of our family/group, but so are our enemies, it must have stunned his audience. 

Even though it was consistent with his teachings about the Kingdom of God and  his prayer that life on earth reflect life in heaven, we sadistically like the idea of some people not being included.        

But the love of God includes everyone. Jesus reminds his listeners, right after telling them to love their enemies,  that God sends rain for those who do right and those who do wrong.  And like the moon reflects the sun, we're to reflect God.     

So how do we integrate the shadow and light of others, especially that of our enemies?  And why should we even try?
   
 When it comes to why, enemy-hating takes up a lot of space in our inner world.  It crowds out what is life-giving. 

Jesus knew the fruit that hate bears.  ​It depletes our inner energy and resources, crippling our ability to live a life of Love within and without. ​

Whoever we hate holds power over us.  When we release the hate, we release their power over us, and free up that energy to love.  Hatred, like love, may start out small (one act or one person), but it quickly overflows into everything and everyone. 

So again, what are we to do?  How can we begin to release criticism, anger, and hate?
 
Since curiosity is helping me release the anger and criticism toward myself, I’ve been experimenting with curiosity in the shift toward loving my neighbor/enemy. 

What might happen if I chose curiosity over criticism with my "neighbor"?     
 
Another political sign went up, this time with a flag on the porch of someone I’ve never met.  Going past their residence, I looked at the signage and their house with curiosity: 

• I wonder what has led this person to put the sign in their yard along with a flag on their porch.  Why both and not just one?
• I’m curious, why are they so passionate about this person being elected?  What are they afraid will happen if this person isn’t elected?
• Is there a particular issue that is close to their heart? 
• Are they friends with anyone who believes differently?  If so, what are their conversations like?
• If I (or my kids) were in trouble, I wonder what they would do.  

 
After a few wonderings & questions (without providing hypothetical answers!), I found my face softening and a willingness to actually have a real conversation rather than a hardening and hiding in my anger.  Honestly, I was surprised.
 
I experimented with a friend when the conversation turned to politics and we wanted to criticize a group of people.  When we shifted to curiosity, the critique faded.  Surprise again!
   
The most recent opportunity happened when someone disagreed with my schooling choice for my kids.  I asked some questions instead of focusing on defending myself.  They began asking questions.  We left the conversation still having differing opinions, but smiling and looking forward to future conversations.
 
Curiosity may be the spiritual practice for this season. 

May it be a step on the path of peace, a way of wisdom, a beginning in embodying the love of God, especially toward all of those putting up political signs!

Finding yourself triggered more than usual with thoughts and feelings of rage, resentment, and judgment?  I know I am.

And it's not just toward others (we'll focus on that next week)!

What are we to do with inner voices of critique and judgment, chronic dissatisfaction and frustration?  How do we not let ourselves be beat up by them? Is there another way?

Jesus once summed up the entire Scriptures by saying, “'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Matthew 22:37-38)
 
“Loving your neighbor as yourself” is to “loving the Lord your God,” as the moon is to the sun. 
The former reflects the latter.  

Like the line from his prayer to the Father, “Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven,“ Jesus teaches and prays for wholeness—inner and outer continuity, authenticity, alignment.  Oneness with God, self, and neighbor.   
 
“Loving yourself” is inextricably linked to “loving your neighbor.”  Think of those best friends necklaces with two halves, both are needed to make the heart whole.  
 
So let's begin with our part--ourselves.

Tell me, how are you loving yourself these days? 
How would you characterize your inner conversations?  Are they best friends necklace worthy?  Is your inner landscape characterized by harmony and peace?   What/who is your inner world reflecting?  
 
Given I resonate with a One on the Enneagram, inner critique and compulsive improvement of myself (& others) along with their counterparts of rage and resentment are easily accessible.  They are often lurking, looking to supplant the inner voice of Love.  When that happens, I cannot relax so compulsive doing is often the result (and a red flag).  
 
Recently, someone brought up a class series I taught a while ago and said that what continues to stick with her most was how I started every class with the invitation to be curious. 

I usually write these three phrases at the top of the dry erase board or handout:                                      
                                   “Be curious.  Be compassionate.  Be aware”

Given the subject matter is designed to go deeper, I know most classes will challenge our surface-level survival self (our ego).  In response, people can expect to experience resistance (and all manner of feelings).  That's not bad.  There's wisdom in the resistance if we look. 

Given what we're presented with on a daily basis right now, there's plenty of subject matter to challenge our survival selves, isn't there?! 

At any moment, fear may be triggered, or anxiety, anger, resentment, rage, envy, sadness, guilt, shame, even numbness and avoidance.  Instead of harmonious, our inner world begins to look like a daily war zone where there isn't the space or ability to give and receive love since it's all about surviving the day.  

What can bring peace to the inner chaos?  Certainly not more "shoulds"!

Fortunately, God offers us paths of peace.

One that I've found is choosing curiosity over critique. It almost immediately relaxes inner tension, opening me to the inner voice of Love.  Remember, it was Moses’ curiosity that caused him to stop what he was doing and take a closer look at the burning bush.  From inside the fire, the Voice of Love spoke to him.    

Try it.  Be curious.

• When do you most often berate yourself?  Why? 
• What is the tone of this inner voice?  Do you associate it with anyone’s particular voice?
• How does your face and body respond to hearing the inner critic? (ex. heat or flush, tension in your chest, shallow breathing, furrowed brow, headache, agitation…)     
• What and who most often triggers that particular inner voice of judgement?

 
Once becoming aware of the tone, physical sensations, and triggers, then the next time you experience them, rather than continuing down the path of self-condemnation which can lead to inward or outward lashing out, pause.  

Turn your compassionate gaze toward that inner burning (or numbness) and be curious:   

• “Hmmm…let me take a closer look…what’s going on here?”
• I notice my jaw tightening and I can’t take a deep breath. 
• I was just watching television.  What did I see that may have sparked the tension which feels like frustration or anger?
• What’s the frustration or anger trying to say or make me aware of? 

 
Let's play with this concept of curiosity with ourselves.  Next week we'll consider curiosity with others.