Choices can be difficult. 

Wanting to make the perfect one, I can struggle with “buyer’s remorse.”  It can be about a purchase or any decision I have made or need to make (especially if others are concerned). 
 
Did I take enough time to make the best choice?  What if I didn’t?  Was I right?  Was I wrong?  I will replay the options. 

​Especially if my choice does not please others, I will replay it even more.  Sometimes it can become compulsive, stuck on a loop in my brain.  We all have experienced the stress that comes from obsessive over-thinking. 
 
​Over the years, I have tried a variety of ways to “throw a stick in the spokes” and stop the constant thought-cycle.  The practice of Centering Prayer has been one thing that, gradually, has made a difference.
 
Centering Prayer can be a challenge as one gets to discover all the places the unruly mind wants to wander instead of stay in the present (it is certainly not interested if the present has feelings it doesn’t want to feel!).  As I have grown in acceptance of the brain’s (sometimes bizarre) escapades to do anything but feel reality and rest in God, I have grown in awareness of when I am joining its invitations to run away to the circus of compulsivity.
 
Here are two simple ways of returning home:

1. Whether in meditation or anytime one catches oneself in compulsive thinking, silently and gently say, “Thinking.”  Then as one’s focus detaches from the compulsive thought, silently and gently say, “Trusting.”  This may happen a number of times in a given period.  Notice how the shift feels in your body and mind.  Remember, this is not a reprimand of the mind (it’s simply doing what it does!) but a way of letting go of following it on well-worn paths that never lead to peace.  After practicing this in morning meditation and while on walks, I started becoming aware of it happening in my sleep!  Instead of waking me or keeping me awake, a deeper awareness reminds me even at night to let go and trust. 
2. When I am straining to figure things out, worried about the ramifications of a decision, caught in critique of self &/or others, or chronically dissatisfied or defensive, the moment I notice, I am offered an opportunity to shift gears and directions.  I do not have to continue trying so hard.  I do not have to keep going down circle road.  More thought is not going to solve the situation.  It is time to place the person or the issue in God’s hands.  No matter what kind of tangled mess or dark heaviness it presently looks and feels like, the Spirit of God knows how to hover over chaos and darkness and call forth life.  Once more, I am asked to let go and trust. 

 
The keys to both are patience and gentleness (two indicators or “fruits” of the Holy Spirit as described in Galatians 5:22-23). It may take a while, but with gentle persistence old compulsive paths will be less and less traveled.  And relief will rise with your every return to the pathways of peace.

Pause for a moment.  Notice your breath.
 
Are you shallow-breathing or holding your breath? 
 
Both are common when in front of a screen.  Both are common during times of fight, flight, or freeze. 
 
Our heart rate increases and breathing becomes restricted readying us for whatever action is needed to help us survive a threatening situation.  While being in front of a screen is a false threat (our survival is not at stake), it can trigger the same bodily responses.  
 
What we see, hear, and read on screens often keeps threats right in front of us keeping us in fear of what looms around every corner…and it’s certainly heightened this year! 
 
Interestingly enough, the breath is in the spotlight this year—the ability to breathe being threatened by COVID-19, breath being forcibly cut off by a police officer’s knee, fear of being unable to breathe when wearing facemasks, fear of others’ breath who are not wearing facemasks…
 
Survival breathing can become the norm when our days (and nights) are filled with hypervigilance (compulsively on the lookout for threats).  This “survival breathing” can lead to a host of issues from sleep problems to overly consuming food or information, from chronic anxiety to the inability to make wise decisions. 
 
Our bodies, minds, emotions, and souls need the fullness of the breath. 
 
Without breath, there is no life (literally and metaphorically).  Poet Mary Oliver speaks of the latter when she writes, “Listen, are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?”  To live fully, creatively, and wisely, we need the breath.
 
Earlier this year, I taught “Meditating with the Aramaic Beatitudes.” In Jesus’ native language of Aramaic (which lends itself to various images & layers of meaning), one translation of the very first Beatitude found in Matthew 5:3 reads, “Ripe are those who find their home in the breath (the Spirit); they shall be attuned to the inner reign of God.” 
 
The word for “spirit,” rukha in Aramaic (like ruach in Hebrew and pneuma in Greek), can also be translated as “breath.”  What does finding your home in the breath (which is also Spirit) offer you today?  How is breathing foundational to your ability to be present to God, yourself, and others?  What actions can you take to help others’ “find their home in the breath,” too?  After all, we are all connected by the same breath!     
 
Several years ago after teaching classes on “Breathing as a Spiritual Practice,” I created a short, 3-part video series with light-hearted exercises to give our diaphragms needed attention so that a slow, relaxed breath is more easily remembered and accessible to us.  Even in times of trouble. 
 
You can find those videos here.  I’m going to practice some with my facemask on to remind myself that the mask itself does not need to be a threat!  While I hope you’ll watch the videos, you do not have to in order to receive the gift of a full, slow, relaxed breath…it’s available to you right now (just like God’s presence)! 
 
So pause for a moment again. 
 
Whether privately without a facemask or publicly with a facemask, whether in front of a screen or not, let breathing be your prayer today.  Breathe deep the Breath of God.  

For a related article, see "What do the Coronavirus and the Reign of Love have in Common?: A Facebook Post from June 27th" 

Can you recall a moment of synchronicity?

"Meaningful coincidences" or moments connected by meaning and means not of your own making?  When it happens (or at least when I notice), I cannot help but sense that Something is seeing me and something is being communicated.  A word, image, or subject matter is repeatedly offered in a variety of ways (unexpected conversations, dreams, nature, ordinary events, extraordinary events, etc.).  When synchronicity occurs, I take it as an invitation from God to pay attention.  In my own life, it's often a call to grow (consciously) or a signal that growth is occurring (unconsciously).  

​I had a moment of synchronicity last week.

On Tuesday, I mentioned Fowler's Stages of Faith Development in relation to listening to the Holy Spirit, so it was fresh on my mind a day later when I headed to Congregation Ohabai Sholom with a friend for a 4-week class on The Heart of Jewish Meditation & Spirituality taught by Rabbi Rami Shapiro.  Although we had missed the first week, unbeknownst to me, the discussion for the second week was mystical Judaism's 5 Levels of Consciousness! These levels are based on the words of Deuteronomy 6:4-9 and walk one through the deepening levels of relationship with/to God...the exact subject material of my latest blog!

Clearly I was to step further into the stages of spiritual growth!  So I'm paying attention, perhaps you're beckoned to pay attention, too.  

Just as I briefly shared about Fowler's stages, I'll briefly go over the Levels of Consciousness as I understood them in class. 

The 5 (Ascending) Levels of Consciousness: 

5.  Yechida (Spirit) Singularity, pure Soul/God, no barriers between "I-Thou"

4.  Chayah (Soul) "Spacious mind," connected to everyone/everything in the Universe, Truth is beyond ideology, more justice & humility expecting nothing in return, no self-seeking, Higher Self, non-dualism, "I and Thou"

3.  Neshamah (Mind) "Narrow mind," ego, survival, intellectual comprehension, identity, spirituality reflects back ego/tribalism, "What's in it for me or my group?", dualism, "I-it"

2.  Ruach (Heart)  Emotions and "spirit" of person, personality

1.  Nefesh (Body) Animal existence- breathing, eating, sleeping, walking around

Just as each of Fowler's stages of faith development are necessary, so too, are the 5 levels of consciousness.  While the level of Nefesh or body-consciousness is the lowest level, that does not mean it is to be denigrated.  After all, we need a body!  Rabbi Rami asks us to consider, "Which [level] is calling right now?"  If it's the body level, please tend to the body!  

The point of the levels is to remind us that we're beckoned to grow beyond simple existence and emotions.  At some point in time, we're also beckoned to grow beyond our own ego and tribe.  In fact, authentic spiritual practice will always seek to move us from Neshamah to Chayah or from "narrow mind" to "spacious mind."  Rabbi Rami describes narrow mind as "seeing the self as separate from and often in conflict with the world and God."  And spacious mind he describes as "seeing the self and other as part of a greater wholeness we call God."  

In my Christian experience, a lot of Christian reading, teaching and preaching tends to keep people in the Neshamah level or the realm of ego and tribal identity.  This can be seen in viewing Christianity as the one right religion (or even narrower, one denomination as the truest or most orthodox) and celebrating being on the "winning side."  It's the belief that Christian music is the only music a Christian should listen to.  It can also be seen in people's image of God, often a masculine Being resembling the Greek god, Zeus.  Remember, such concrete, dualistic thinking whether described by Neshamah or Fowler's "Mythic-Literal or "Conventional-Synthetic," is a necessary stage or level, but it's not the ending point.  

Confused?  Wondering what spiritual practices can help you shift from Neshamah to Chayah (or move from narrow mind to spacious mind)?  Well, they will not look the same for everyone! This is why a spiritual director can be such a helpful companion on your journey.  Plus our ego-minds are masters at using religious language to trap us in Neshamah when it's time for us to grow (we are not apt to see it on our own).  This is why I have my own spiritual director!

By the way, Rabbi Rami says there are no ways or practices to move from Chayah to Yechida, it is simply pure grace.  I'm not surprised, Chayah gets us out of our own way, preparing the way for Yechida, the highest level of consciousness characterized by non-dualism and Union with the Divine.  This should resonate with those who practice Centering Prayer, the silent prayer of consent which prepares one for the gift of contemplative prayer or resting in God.  If/when one ever gets to taste Yechida, can you guess what the earmark is?  Pure Love.  Of God and neighbor.  Sound familiar?  

• Enter into dialogue with Fowler's Stages of Faith Development and Mystical Judaism's Five Levels of Consciousness.  Consider your current image of God and spiritual practices, how do they reflect your current level of consciousness or faith development?  
• Are you noticing any moments of synchronicity lately? What are the themes/words/ideas/images that keep showing up without you seeking them out?

Next week:  More Synchronicity to Share & The Shema (Deuteronomy 6:4) as a Breath Prayer  

Listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit?!  What does that even mean?  And is it even necessary?  

Read Jesus' words with me in John 14 when he is preparing his disciples for his departure: 

"If you love me, you will keep my commandments.  I will ask the Father, and he will send another Companion, who will be with you forever.  This Companion is the Spirit of Truth, whom the world can't receive because it neither sees him nor recognizes him.  You know him, because he lives with you and will be with you...I have spoken these things to you while I am with you.  The Companion, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I told you."  John 14: 15-17, 25-26 (CEB translation).  

Wow, it's going to be a leap in faith development for the followers of Jesus!  With their leader about to leave, what will they do??  They've been following him, literally and figuratively, on this path of life.  Wherever he goes, they go, even tracking him down when left alone!  The good news he tells them is that while they can't go where he is going, they're not going to be left alone, either.  When he leaves, it's not time to abandon the path, it's time to grow in their faith journey.  

The Bible gives us a wonderful glimpse into the spiritual growth of individuals and faith communities, first Israel then the early church, beginning with their infancy.  James Fowler gives us a good glimpse into the stages of faith development. Fowler was a theologian, a professor at Emory, and United Methodist pastor who described stages of faith development beginning with his first book in 1981, Stages of Faith: The Psychology of Human Development and the Quest for Meaning. See the charts below or watch this video to get an overview of each stage.  Remember that although age ranges are mentioned, anyone can be at any stage at any age.  

In stage 3, Synthetic-Conventional, we see that following and conforming to the teachings of an authority figure, group, or institution is the earmark of a stage 3 person/group's faith and identity.  This is not a bad thing, of course.  Who or what we choose to follow can either be leading us down the path of life or death, blessings or curses, as the books of Deuteronomy and Proverbs remind us. Following a leader, doing what a leader tells you, and getting affirmation within the group is a healthy and necessary stage of faith development.  However it is a stage, not the ending point. Too many people (and faith communities) stagnate at a particular level of development and never progress beyond stage 3.  Knowing this, Jesus invites his disciples to venture where many choose not to go. 

In the context of the disciples' story, the One who they listened to and learned from is about to leave and, unbeknownst to them at the time, MUST leave if their faith is to grow.  It's the only way the seismic shift from perceiving truth from outside themselves (in the person and words of Jesus Christ) to perceiving truth from inside themselves (through the voice of the Spirit within) will take place. Jesus cannot always do the thinking for them!

It is their task to awaken to the reality of the Companion, Advocate, Counselor, who is with them and accessible wherever they go.  They first got to know the ways and means of this Spirit in the presence and person of Jesus.  Now in his absence, the presence of Jesus will be made known to them by this same Spirit dwelling in their innermost being, their truest self. They will learn that the very "mind of Christ" is accessible to them, willing to teach, remind, comfort and companion...if they are willing to stop, listen, remember and receive.     

There comes a time, whether it happens slowly or abruptly, when we are beckoned to leave what we know and grow.  It can be confusing and intimidating.  But you'll know it's time. When that time comes, remember...  

You are not alone.  All you need to know for your next step is available to you.  

Let a spiritual director companion you as you learn to listen to the Companion within, growing in wisdom as you follow the way of Christ, walking the path of Love.  

• Spend some time with Fowler's Stages of Faith Development.  One of the charts may speak to you more than the others or they may all offer insight.  Where do you find yourself?  What leads you to place yourself in this stage?  How does your stage of faith development speak to your faith struggles and questions?  
• Meditate on the above Scripture passage from John 14.  How does it speak to your or your faith community's current stage of faith development?  

The day after school ended, my kids and I headed out-of-state to visit friends and family.  I was tired before this trip down memory lane began so I really needed to engage the Fruit of the Spirit (patience & gentleness don't come easily in such circumstances)!  

I tried breathing in and out each fruit, dwelling on those especially needed. However, being out of my normal exercise routine, this didn't suffice...my whole body wanted to join in on the practice.  

So I found myself revisiting the prayer postures that my daughter and her yoga teacher, spiritual director, and author of Holy Listening with Breath, Body, and the Spirit, Whitney Simpson, put together to remember and receive the Fruits of the Spirit. Together we wrote a blog series for Ministry Matters in 2014, found here. 

With the celebration of the Holy Spirit's presence & power happening just two days ago on Pentecost Sunday, I thought I'd take another trip down memory lane by reminding us all of these prayer postures and the devotionals that go with them.  Come taste and see...  

Holy Trinity, as we allow ourselves to feast on the fruit of You in our lives, may we become what we eat.  May we embody love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control, and truly become the Body of Christ in this world.  Amen.

It came in the gentle breeze
that day,
with surprise
my soul opened its arms.

Another, not the volcanic vigor
of many days,
with my run to protect
my ego-security.

A voice in the ordinary speaking
of years spent
with knowledge and morality
impressing, yes, protecting.

Insight slipped right into my soul.
Repetition now recognition
when body is relaxing.
A smile instead of shame.

Herein is the strength
of gentleness,
of kindness,
of whisper
Of the ordinary, Holy Flame!

​Three final breathing practices offering an even deeper experience of the Spirit of Life through our breath.  Continue to experience a full breath and incorporate your breath into prayer.