Choices can be difficult. 

Wanting to make the perfect one, I can struggle with “buyer’s remorse.”  It can be about a purchase or any decision I have made or need to make (especially if others are concerned). 
 
Did I take enough time to make the best choice?  What if I didn’t?  Was I right?  Was I wrong?  I will replay the options. 

​Especially if my choice does not please others, I will replay it even more.  Sometimes it can become compulsive, stuck on a loop in my brain.  We all have experienced the stress that comes from obsessive over-thinking. 
 
​Over the years, I have tried a variety of ways to “throw a stick in the spokes” and stop the constant thought-cycle.  The practice of Centering Prayer has been one thing that, gradually, has made a difference.
 
Centering Prayer can be a challenge as one gets to discover all the places the unruly mind wants to wander instead of stay in the present (it is certainly not interested if the present has feelings it doesn’t want to feel!).  As I have grown in acceptance of the brain’s (sometimes bizarre) escapades to do anything but feel reality and rest in God, I have grown in awareness of when I am joining its invitations to run away to the circus of compulsivity.
 
Here are two simple ways of returning home:

1. Whether in meditation or anytime one catches oneself in compulsive thinking, silently and gently say, “Thinking.”  Then as one’s focus detaches from the compulsive thought, silently and gently say, “Trusting.”  This may happen a number of times in a given period.  Notice how the shift feels in your body and mind.  Remember, this is not a reprimand of the mind (it’s simply doing what it does!) but a way of letting go of following it on well-worn paths that never lead to peace.  After practicing this in morning meditation and while on walks, I started becoming aware of it happening in my sleep!  Instead of waking me or keeping me awake, a deeper awareness reminds me even at night to let go and trust. 
2. When I am straining to figure things out, worried about the ramifications of a decision, caught in critique of self &/or others, or chronically dissatisfied or defensive, the moment I notice, I am offered an opportunity to shift gears and directions.  I do not have to continue trying so hard.  I do not have to keep going down circle road.  More thought is not going to solve the situation.  It is time to place the person or the issue in God’s hands.  No matter what kind of tangled mess or dark heaviness it presently looks and feels like, the Spirit of God knows how to hover over chaos and darkness and call forth life.  Once more, I am asked to let go and trust. 

 
The keys to both are patience and gentleness (two indicators or “fruits” of the Holy Spirit as described in Galatians 5:22-23). It may take a while, but with gentle persistence old compulsive paths will be less and less traveled.  And relief will rise with your every return to the pathways of peace.

Spiritual practices, like meditation and even church-going, can become spiritual bypass—ways of bypassing reality both outside and inside of us, dissociating from wounds within and without, ignoring the healing work that needs to be done in our inner and outer world. 

But spiritual practices can also be vehicles for transformation of both ourselves and our world.
 
How?—by giving us new ways of seeing and being (which is the whole point of authentic spiritual practice). 
 
Let’s take a look at a few practices... 
  
Conscious Breathing: With as little as 10 slow, complete exhales and 10 full, relaxed inhales, we can calm the fight, flight, freeze survival impulse, allowing us to move from a reactive, closed off, defensive place to a receptive, open, deeper place.

Centering Prayer: Through daily practice of 20 minutes of silent surrendering to God’s presence & action, we let go of our ego-drivenness and receive inner healing of compulsions and soul wounds.  Not only does this bring personal freedom but it releases us from projecting our compulsions and wounds on others and passing them down to our children.

Lectio Divina: Spiritual reading allows a word or phrase in a small portion of inspired text, whether sacred Scriptures like the Psalms or a poem, to speak to us. Rather than bringing what we already know or studying it, we allow the text to study us!  As we bring our story, our lives, to it, we humbly listen for the wisdom and guidance being offered (which may be encouragement to see a counselor or write a letter to your senator!).     

Awareness Examen: Looking over our lives at the end of the day through the eyes of God helps us become aware of God’s life-giving presence and action (and the times throughout the day when we were unaware or resistant).  The patterns of what is life-giving and life-draining help us discern who we are and what we are to offer this world.

Silent Retreats: Extended time in silence and solitude creates space for our souls to rest and play which opens us to better hear the “still, small voice” which may be drowned out by the external noise of daily life or the internal noise of comparing ourselves to others.
 
There are so many practices I could list here but the point isn’t the practice itself, it’s the “fruit.”

Seated meditation may not fit you.  You may desire some kind of moving meditation, like dance or qigong.  Or you may prefer to spend time in nature or doing art. 

What practices have you found that cultivate love in you?  What helps you have eyes to see and tend to the suffering both inside yourself and in others?  Which ways of wisdom help you discern what is yours to offer this world (not out of compulsion but compassion)?  A Spiritual Director can companion you on this journey of discovery of spiritual practices.
 
But remember, it’s not necessarily the practices, it’s the humans who are transformed by these practices, that this world needs.  What do spiritual practices like Centering Prayer offer a hurting world?—YOU!

Cats should be the mascot of contemplation. 

They have resting awareness down. 

Some people think contemplation is laziness, but this is far from the truth.  “Doing nothing so God can do everything” is hard work! 

It takes an active, yet relaxed, vigilance to stay present rather than follow the mind into the past or future where regret and worry reign.  But like a good Zen master, the cat can teach us.

"Every single creature is full of God and is a book about God.  Every creature is a word of God," Meister Eckhart proclaimed in the late 13th century.  I find this to be true as I spend time with my cat.  Listening and watching with the ears and eyes of my soul, I discover she has a lot to teach me.  Here's some advice she offers...    

5 feline tips for contemplation (also known as "contemplative catnaps"): 

1. If you can find a sunbeam, do.  (Sit in it.  And sit with this simple wisdom for a while!)
2. Close your eyes. (Or allow a soft squint downward, third eyelid is optional…humans may need sunglasses if outside during a windy day.)
3. Rest with alertness. (There is a time to fall asleep but it’s not now!  Only 25% of a cat’s napping is deep sleep, the other 75% is relaxed awareness.)
4. Be fully present. (Listen, feel, intuit all that is around you.  How often do you do that anyway?  When safe, relax into your surroundings.  Welcome all noises or flying balls coming from your 4th grade furless family member…or anything else that is part of your present moment…knowing you can remain at ease.)
5. Remember to practice this every day!  (You’ll have the energy and insight you need for the dark.)

 
Cats make contemplation look simple.  While simple, it can be challenging.  Surrender and serenity are daily exercises that may look different each day!  A routine-loving cat still changes nap spots, so how do surrender and serenity look for you today?
  
Watch a cat for a while and allow the Spirit of God, which enlivens both you and the cat, to speak to you through this furry part of Creation.    

I was supposed to be traveling today to Saint Meinrad Archabbey for a yearly 4-day Silent Retreat. 

It's one of my favorite places.  I am always excited about facilitating this deep dive into the gift of Silence.  Words don't do it justice.

BUT the pandemic threw a wrench in my (& everyone's) plans.  So, I decided that even though I won't be facilitating a retreat, I can share with you the theme that I picked out for it last year and we can enter into it wherever we find ourselves. 

​We can still pray: ​

​If there's ever been a time to pray this prayer that was written in the spirit of Saint Francis of Assisi, 700 years after his death by Father Esther Bouquerel of France in 1912, it is now!
 
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace
Where there is hatred, let me sow love
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith
Where there is despair, hope
Where there is darkness, light
And where there is sadness, joy

O Divine Master, grant that I may
Not so much seek to be consoled as to console
To be understood, as to understand
To be loved, as to love
For it is in giving that we receive
And it is in pardoning that we are pardoned
And it's in dying that we are born to Eternal Life
Amen.

________________
"Blessed are the peacemakers," said Jesus, "for they will be called children of God."   

To be a peacemaker does not mean:

• We are peacekeepers.  (Consider the difference).
• We simply enjoy peace.      
• We don't have strong opinions.    
• We don't speak up or speak out.

To be a peacemaker means we not only pray and enjoy peace, but we actively work for peace.  For everyone.  Not just ourselves.  However, receiving inner peace enables us to extend outer peace...hence, the silent retreats. 

Silence offers an opportunity to slow down, to quiet the outer voices that we may look within and discover the inner voice of the God of Peace.   

Will you join me in reflecting, meditating, walking, dancing, stretching, playing, singing, resting, and working with this prayer over the next 4 days? 

Praying it first for yourself and your internal world: 

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace toward myself...

Then praying it for those outside of yourself.  Praying it on behalf of not only your family and nation, but the whole world.
 
Praying to embody the words as you come in contact with the world--from those in your own house to the grocery store and social media.

Let's breathe in and out the words of the "Prayer of St. Francis" and in so doing, may we become instruments and children of the God of Peace.  

You may not be ready to go on a silent retreat or sit in 20 minutes of meditation, but how about trying a taste?  It's easy.

And since it's the season of pumpkin everything, let's try tasting silence through a slice of pumpkin pie!

If you're not a fan of pumpkin pie, think of another food or drink you really enjoy.  Now if you have a real slice of pie, great!  If not, imagine tasting that first bite. Notice the flavors, texture, and temperature on your tongue.  

Allow yourself to savor the next few bites without rushing.  What do you notice about the pie (or whatever you're savoring) that you may have missed if you had hurried through each forkful? Food and drink can rarely be savored when speed is involved, the same is true with silence.   How do we taste and savor silence?  With our ears.

Ready to give it a try?

• ​Stop talking (or reading).
• Close your eyes.
• Become aware of the sounds around you.  
• Spend a few moments just listening.

What do you notice now that you did not notice before you stopped and listened?
Where did certain sounds come from, which ear did you hear them through?
What sound most grabbed your attention?
If in a quiet place, did you notice the sound of your own breathing?
What was it like to do nothing but listen?
How did your mind and the rest of your body respond?

This is being present.  It's a meditation practice.  And yes, it counts.  
True, it's a great way to enter into a silent retreat or centering prayer meditation but if it happens to be the only spiritual practice you consistently engage this week or this month, that's fine!  Just taste and see how pausing to listen and savor the sounds around you affect your soul.  

You never know, the next time you stop and savor the silence, you, like the prophet Elijah, may hear God's voice in a gentle whisper!  

A poem I wrote right after a time of listening prayer six years ago.  It recently came to mind as I was thinking about meditation.  Meditation can calm the mind.  In doing so, perhaps it offers an opportunity for the soul to remind us of what it's known & trusted since we were ages five and one!  

​
God, I pray that Lainey
and Alex come to know
You

They already do.

Okay God, then I pray they
come to trust
You.

They already do.

Then God,
help them not to
forget.

(Pause)

Amen.

If the image of traffic was too stressful for you last week, here's a gentler way of viewing the distractions that arise during our time of meditation.  You'll especially like this image if you are a fan of fall (like I am)!  

Picture each distraction, whether it's an external noise or an internal thought, feeling, memory, image, or bodily sensation, as leaves floating down your stream of consciousness.  

As we close or lower our eyes in meditation, we turn our attention from engaging what is going on outside of ourselves to an awareness of what is going on inside of ourselves.  And guess what?  There's usually plenty going on!  Should we be surprised?!  Besides the movie reel of images, here's a peek at what floats down the stream of my consciousness:

This quiet is so nice!
Is that a leaf-blower?
I need to figure out how to...
I need to email ____, ____, and ____ as soon as I'm done with meditation.
I forgot to drop that card in the mail!
Yes, that's what I'm going to fix for dinner.
Oh, that's how I can do...
Am I breathing deeply?
Why do I feel anxiety right now?
I need to get that event on the calendar.
Should I scratch that itch on my face or wait until it goes away?
I am still angry about what happened last week!
I wonder what they thought about what I said.
He had such a great idea, I'd never thought of that before!
Here's an idea as to how to open that class...perfect.
Why didn't I think of that last week?
That author's theology is way off...
This theological issue is a tough one...
I need to get snacks for the baseball game tonight. 
I need to use the restroom, should I just wait or pause the meditation timer? 
I'm really enjoying the changing shadows and light from the sun through the trees.  
She's really hurting, how can I help her more?
Why didn't she text me back?
My hands feel hot, wonder what that means.
I'm still laughing about what he said.
Why can't I be more peaceful today?
I'm not good at meditation at all!
I should be better at meditation given I'm a teacher of it!
I just felt completely calm for a minute there.  
Why can't I have more than a minute of my mind at rest?

And that's just a peek at one 20-minute session of Centering Prayer!  
Now some days I let those thoughts, feelings, images, and bodily sensations just float on down the stream of consciousness.

But other days I lean over and pick a leaf out of the stream and begin examining it!  Pretty soon, I've left the present moment of calm awareness and am meditating on and mulling over whatever that particular thought or feeling presented. 

In that moment, instead of consenting to God's presence and action in my life, I've picked up control again!  I'm running back to the past or into the future.  My ego mind does not believe I have time for meditation.  It does not trust I can survive (or perhaps the deeper issue is it doesn't feel I will be loved) without doing, planning, figuring out, being hyper-vigilant about, actively seeking a solution to, or at least evaluating how I am doing with something...even if it's meditation!  

When I become aware that I've left the time of calm awareness and consent (sometimes it takes a few moments before I notice), the noticing itself acts as a release.  Setting that leaf back down in the stream, I often "come home" to being with God by gently saying a sacred word.  This sacred word or phrase might be Love, Jesus, Peace, Breathe, Thank You, Be Still... For me, my sacred word happens to be Home.  This word grew out of a year of reflecting on the Prodigal Son and my own mind's tendency to run away.  Other times I "come home" by listening to the sounds in the room or even my own breathing.  

My practice looks different every day.  The stream may be pretty crowded with leaves while other times I am aware of just a few floating gently by.  Some days I find myself leaning over and picking up leaf after leaf.  Other days I find there are only a couple of leaves grabbing my attention.  

No matter!  The leaves and what I do or don't do with them don't represent success or failure (such evaluation is an ego/conceptual mind game!).  This is just how my practice looked on a particular day.  I may have had forty-seven opportunities to come home again...what a grace! Or, I may have received the gift of contemplation. Resting in front of the deep hearth within, gazing out the window at the beautiful fall leaves floating downstream.