Criticism & Curiosity Part One (Toward Yourself)

Finding yourself triggered more than usual with thoughts and feelings of rage, resentment, and judgment?  I know I am.

And it's not just toward others (we'll focus on that next week)!

What are we to do with inner voices of critique and judgment, chronic dissatisfaction and frustration?  How do we not let ourselves be beat up by them? Is there another way?

Jesus once summed up the entire Scriptures by saying, “'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Matthew 22:37-38)
 
“Loving your neighbor as yourself” is to “loving the Lord your God,” as the moon is to the sun. 
The former reflects the latter.  

Like the line from his prayer to the Father, “Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven,“ Jesus teaches and prays for wholeness—inner and outer continuity, authenticity, alignment.  Oneness with God, self, and neighbor.   
 
“Loving yourself” is inextricably linked to “loving your neighbor.”  Think of those best friends necklaces with two halves, both are needed to make the heart whole.  
 
So let's begin with our part--ourselves.

Tell me, how are you loving yourself these days? 
How would you characterize your inner conversations?  Are they best friends necklace worthy?  Is your inner landscape characterized by harmony and peace?   What/who is your inner world reflecting?  
 
Given I resonate with a One on the Enneagram, inner critique and compulsive improvement of myself (& others) along with their counterparts of rage and resentment are easily accessible.  They are often lurking, looking to supplant the inner voice of Love.  When that happens, I cannot relax so compulsive doing is often the result (and a red flag).  
 
Recently, someone brought up a class series I taught a while ago and said that what continues to stick with her most was how I started every class with the invitation to be curious. 

I usually write these three phrases at the top of the dry erase board or handout:                                      
                                   “Be curious.  Be compassionate.  Be aware”

Given the subject matter is designed to go deeper, I know most classes will challenge our surface-level survival self (our ego).  In response, people can expect to experience resistance (and all manner of feelings).  That's not bad.  There's wisdom in the resistance if we look. 

Given what we're presented with on a daily basis right now, there's plenty of subject matter to challenge our survival selves, isn't there?! 

At any moment, fear may be triggered, or anxiety, anger, resentment, rage, envy, sadness, guilt, shame, even numbness and avoidance.  Instead of harmonious, our inner world begins to look like a daily war zone where there isn't the space or ability to give and receive love since it's all about surviving the day.  

What can bring peace to the inner chaos?  Certainly not more "shoulds"!

Fortunately, God offers us paths of peace.

One that I've found is choosing curiosity over critique. It almost immediately relaxes inner tension, opening me to the inner voice of Love.  Remember, it was Moses’ curiosity that caused him to stop what he was doing and take a closer look at the burning bush.  From inside the fire, the Voice of Love spoke to him.    

Try it.  Be curious.

• When do you most often berate yourself?  Why? 
• What is the tone of this inner voice?  Do you associate it with anyone’s particular voice?
• How does your face and body respond to hearing the inner critic? (ex. heat or flush, tension in your chest, shallow breathing, furrowed brow, headache, agitation…)     
• What and who most often triggers that particular inner voice of judgement?

 
Once becoming aware of the tone, physical sensations, and triggers, then the next time you experience them, rather than continuing down the path of self-condemnation which can lead to inward or outward lashing out, pause.  

Turn your compassionate gaze toward that inner burning (or numbness) and be curious:   

• “Hmmm…let me take a closer look…what’s going on here?”
• I notice my jaw tightening and I can’t take a deep breath. 
• I was just watching television.  What did I see that may have sparked the tension which feels like frustration or anger?
• What’s the frustration or anger trying to say or make me aware of? 

 
Let's play with this concept of curiosity with ourselves.  Next week we'll consider curiosity with others.

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