What happens if you simply can’t receive the gift that’s being offered to you? During a guided prayer with my kids, I had them imagine being a follower of John the Baptist when Jesus shows up on the scene. Out of curiosity and heeding John’s words that this is the One who is mightier than he, baptizing and gifting people with the Holy Spirit, they follow. Then Jesus turns and makes eye contact and asks, “What do you want? What is your heart’s desire?” We paused in silence. Then we took a moment to share our answers. "I don't know," said my 5th grader, "It's hard for me to think if it's a want or a need." "Okay, consider what your heart's biggest need or desire is for this week," I replied. Interestingly enough, my kids both answered the same, “Confidence.” They went on to share stories of where they felt a lack of confidence, especially with the start of school. I had them close their eyes again and imagine answering Jesus, asking him for confidence and allowing him to respond. My 10th grader shared how Jesus’ response was, “It’s a process.” She let the scene unfold and replied to him, “I don’t want to have to try hard to be confident, it’s exhausting.” Answered Jesus, “Maybe trying hard is the problem.” This made her smile. She was curious as to what it might look like to not try so hard to be confident but simply allow the confidence already in her to be, to surface. My son said, “I couldn’t receive it.” I asked him to say a little more. “I couldn’t take it in, I just couldn’t.” When asked why, he had no idea. However, when asked, “What is part of you afraid will happen if you receive it?” (Remember, another part of him wanted and desired confidence.) He responded, “If I take it in, I’m afraid I’ll take too much.” This part had a fear that being confident would make him arrogant. It helped to discuss the difference between the two by thinking of baseball players who exude confidence without arrogance. We went onto acknowledge that sometimes we have no control over how others perceive us. Sometimes we have to let them think what they’re going to think. Unfortunately some may see arrogance where there is simply confidence. What matters is what is in our hearts. Once again, the words spoken to my children by Jesus, spoke to me. Perhaps they speak to you, too. How would you answer Jesus’ question? Now close your eyes and imagine Jesus’ response (but don’t try too hard!). Perhaps the gift you are looking for is already within you! Or if you find yourself struggling to receive the gift being offered, you just might ask, “What is part of me afraid will happen if I receive it?” Sometimes the way we ask a question impacts how we answer it. My friend, Norman (from my blog last week), decided to continue to play with the words, “simplicity” and settling,” by sending an email out to friends and getting their responses. He received 18 replies! Norman asked them to consider “simplicity” and “settling” and respond first in a word or two, then in a sentence—what do they meant to you? Notice the way he took the same words and asked a different kind of question than I had at the beginning of this series of blog posts. He did not start with contrast as I had when I asked, “What do you think is the difference between 'simplicity' and 'settling'?” Instead, he presented them in a neutral way to call forth personal associations with each. Consider the nuance. The tone of my question (especially if you heard me ask it) leans towards “settling for,” rather than the state of “being settled.” His question left both possibilities open. Before you read some of the answers Norman received, take a moment to sit with his invitation to reflect on what “simplicity” and “settling” mean to you. What comes to mind when hearing each word?
Now here is a taste of the answers from this diverse group including professors, pastors, a women’s issues advocate, an engineer, world travelers, and more... Simplicity in a few words: Grace Least complicated Intuitively understood Peace Back to basics Settling in a few words: Resolved Established At peace with God Simplicity in a Sentence:
Settling in a Sentence:
Did you notice how he received more answers for the word “simplicity” than for the word “settling”? Why might that be? Perhaps the word “settling” is not as simple! May you, like Norman, reflect, play, and pray with these words (and invite others into the fun!). Our life experiences color the lenses through which we see the world, including words! When seeing the words “simplicity” and “settling,” my friend, Norman, could not help but reflect on his work-life. Having been in the military, then working internationally and later on in ministry with an itinerant system, his life was anything but simple or settled! Upon deeper reflection, he saw the positive sides, or wisdom, in both words. He offered me a quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer to explain (I'm including a longer version of it for context): “A man can hold his own here only if he can combine simplicity with wisdom…To be simple is to fix one’s eye solely on the simple truth of God at a time when all concepts are being confused, distorted and turned upside down…The wise man is the one who sees reality as it is, and who sees into the depths of things. That is why only that man is wise who sees reality in God…There is no true simplicity without wisdom and there is no wisdom without simplicity.” Within this quote I, too, saw wisdom in both “simplicity” and “settling.”
And I was reminded of the Benedictine vow of “stability.” There’s a literal vow of stability for the Catholic men and women who commit to enter into, and be faithful to, a particular community in a particular place. It is fascinating to hear the stories of those who have been in a particular monastery for 40 years or more. However, this literal vow to a place may be an impossibility for many of us as it was for Norman during his working years (though it is much more of a possibility during his retirement years!). There is also a metaphorical or figurative vow of stability which is remaining focused on the Kingdom of God or what Bonhoeffer calls the “simple truth of God” wherever one finds oneself. This does not mean ceasing to question or doubt, both of these can deepen faith (as working through questions and doubts in a marriage can deepen the relationship). In fact, settling our eye on the simple truth of God frees us to question and doubt! One could say that "settling" in this context invites one's gaze to "rest and remain" on God. So for Norman (& for us), “settling” does not have to be a negative word meaning a life-draining “giving up” or “resignation” and “simplicity” is not something that only occurs in retirement! Instead, both can be the foundation for a creative life with God as we allow ourselves to see “reality as it is” by diving deeper into “simplicity” and “settling” as ways of Wisdom. ____________________________ Spiritual Direction is a wonderful place to explore "simplicity" and "settling" in your own life. I asked my dear friend, Linda, what she thought the difference between "simplicity" and "settling" were and her answer surprised me. "Simplicity asks, 'What do you truly want?''" She went on, "With settling, I may settle for what I don't want and since it's not what I want, I keep looking for it.'" Then she shared an example from her own life. Many years ago, a woman asked if she wanted a certain set of dishes for her wedding and if she did, this woman would buy them for her. She really did not want them, but she felt uncomfortable saying "no" so she received them as a wedding gift. Since she had them and could get more pieces to match, she expanded her collection of dishes she did not want but settled for. But she noticed something. Whenever she was at a store that sold dishes, she looked at the patterns. Years of time and energy were spent on looking for dishes when she already had a full set! Her longing was left unsatisfied because she had settled so many years ago, afraid of offending the gift-giver. Now having retired, she decided it was not too late and she knew what she wanted. Much to the surprise of her family (who never knew she did not like the dishes!), she decided to box up her collection and put them for sale on a neighborhood social media site . Then she went out and bought the dishes she truly wanted, a beautiful butterfly pattern. Another woman happened to see the dishes she had for sale and was overjoyed for she had been looking for those exact dishes because they reminded her of her mother! Both were full of joy and satisfied with their purchases. Guess what happened after that? My friend stopped looking for dishes! We went on to talk about how we tend to buy things that are only on sale or we get what is cheap because we can have "more" of the item. Sometimes this is okay, but when it becomes a pattern, our collection of unwanted, unused stuff grows along with our dissatisfaction which compares and wants more. What do you truly want? It can be a difficult question. We need to stop and think rather than compulsively or fearfully say "yes" to what we do not want (or allowing others to decide for us or think we should want what others have). Jesus often asked people like blind Bartimaeus, "What do you want me to do for you?" It's not that Jesus could not see what Bartimaeus wanted, He wanted Bartimaeus to "see" and say for himself! It is a simple question. Yet answering honestly may just simplify the amount of internal and external stuff that becomes a burden--now that's a gift! It’s what the old Shaker song says, at least! In fact, some lyrics say 'tis "the” rather than “a” gift to be simple. But nothing seems simple anymore. We live in a world of information (and misinformation!) at our fingertips. We're bombarded by choice at the grocery store and online. Constant comparison is exacerbated through social media. And stores like HomeGoods, Tuesday Morning, Ross, Overstock.com, Lowe's, Home Depot, and others are happy to feed our "more and better" obsession. "Complex" is more apt to describe our times rather than "simple." This is not necessarily a bad thing, it may be important to look at the complexities at work under the surface, rather than oversimplify an issue or situation (or even a person or group of people!). So in our cultural context, what is the gift of simplicity? And if we do discover it to be a gift, how do we go about receiving it? I began to return to simplicity in my blog last week, but I want to explore this question over the next few weeks as I glean from others' insights and experiences. Maybe you have some wisdom to share with me as well (my daughter sure did)! On a walk with my young teen earlier this week, I asked her, “What is the difference between simplicity and settling?” “I think it has to do with what changes,” she replied. She went on, “There can be all kinds of changes on the outside. But when a person settles, there’s no change on the inside.” “So for you, simplicity is a gift or practice that changes us…how interesting! And, would you say that simplicity helps us deal with the changes on the outside of us?” “Yes, I mean, that makes sense to me.” “What a good perspective! I’m going to be thinking about simplicity and change for a while.” _________________________________ What does the dance between simplicity & change offer you? I am invited to continue exploring simplicity as both a gift and a practice that offers deep change—peace and inner transformation. Simplicity may change me by changing the way I view “all the things.” Perhaps it gives the gift of discerning eyes when faced with a storm of choice and change! Mine is the piecemeal house
with patched couch peeling and cracked cabinets broken back-slat chairs Clutter made up of books, boxes, and bags of papers, poetry, and prayers. -My Piecemeal House, Kasey Hitt, 2021 One day I got caught up in the comparison game and found myself on the losing side. Comparison games are anxiety-causing no matter what side you're on and being on the losing side most often leads to feelings of shame. So to get my feelings out rather than get stuck in them, I scribbled down this poem. The last line surprised me as it invited a shift. It was a call to come home to a value and spiritual practice I appreciate but can often lose sight of: Simplicity. On Sunday, my husband played the old Shaker song on the piano, “Tis the Gift to Be Simple” (aka "Simple Gifts"). The rest of us sang. We started having fun with it by playing multiple versions on Amazon Music—fast and slow tempos, lyrics and instrumentals, solo singers and choirs, brass, dulcimer, and piano versions… We stopped once we got sick of the song! However, listening to it over and over helped us hear, meditate, and move with it so the message could go from head to heart. 'Tis the gift to be simple, ’tis the gift to be free 'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be, And when we find ourselves in the place just right, 'Twill be in the valley of love and delight. When true simplicity is gained, To bow and to bend we shan’t be ashamed, To turn, turn will be our delight, Till by turning, turning we come ’round right. When I revisited my poem, I saw how the words started with my feelings of shame as I described some worn-out parts of my house. It ended with words that led me deeper into the soul(s) residing there. A spontaneous smile and warmth replaced the shame. And right here in my house, just as it is, in a neighborhood with “valley” in its name, I discovered love and delight. ______________________
Our self-talk can be mean. In clients young and old, I notice how they often beat themselves up for not living up to their spiritual ideals. In their voices I hear the longing to “be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48). And I also hear the guilt, self-blame, and even name-calling that result when falling short. I listen with empathy. Why? I resonate with the 1 on the Enneagram (those who can be perfection-driven and overly familiar with an inner critic) and I grew up in a culture expecting high-level morality as a reflection of being a "good girl" and following Jesus, so I get it. One of the reasons I love being a Spiritual Director is the experience and wanting others to experience the gift of new eyes to see. For instance, we will always fall short and give the inner critic plenty of fodder if we read that scripture in Matthew in terms of moral perfection rather than wholeness or “shalom.” Shalom is Hebrew (the language of the Jewish lineage of Jesus) for “peace, wholeness, & completeness.” The Greek language used in the writing of the New Testament chose "perfect" as the translation of "teleios." Another look into the original language reveals that it has multiple meanings—“perfect, whole, & complete.” Reading this same line from Matthew, substitute, “perfect” with “whole” and notice your inner response: Be whole as your heavenly Father is whole. Being whole includes our imperfections (which, like the Chinese symbol of yin & yang, includes both darkness and light to complete the circle). God is fully with us in both. The Psalmist discovered this in wondering if he could hide from God's Presence, but finally declared, "for darkness is as light to you" (Psalm 139:12). The prophet Isaiah, went a step further with God proclaiming that “I form the light and create darkness” (45:7). We humans often do not know which is which and not seeing from a deeper, nondual, perspective, label one good (light) and the other bad (darkness). The natural world can teach us how light and dark are interrelated, complementary parts of Creation. Be outside on a blistering hot day without any shade and you will long for the goodness of darkness and bemoan how too much light is bad. In the same way, we rush to label our own imperfections as “bad.” But Saint Paul had a different experience, he saw an inseparable relationship between his imperfections and God’s strength. In II Corinthians 12:9, he exclaims “I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” More times than I can count, I have experienced God working through my weaknesses and failures. Looking back I can also see how God was present with me in darkness, though I may have been unable to see it at the time. As I recall these stories, I soften toward myself and my self-talk reflects the gentleness of the Spirit of God. I imagine the same is true of you. As you look back at times of darkness, weakness and failure, what goodness can you find that came from it or occurred right in the middle of it? Perhaps you are being given new eyes to see how the Spirit has been (and is) working in and through every part of you—that’s wholeness. That’s the perfection of God. And knowing this, perhaps you soften toward and speak to yourself with gentleness—and experience “Shalom.” ___________________ Sometimes it takes the gentle guidance of a Spiritual Director to help you see your own story and the Sacred Presence in a new way. To find out more about Spiritual Direction, go here. Hospitality
is the heart of Spiritual Direction A holy welcome saying, "Your soul is safe here." Free of judgement or agenda Suspending disbelief and storylines Creating space at the Table within for the wild, unpredictable Spirit Who certainly knows you better than I know you, and even better than you know yourself Who has always been and yet is always being sent To companion, comfort, heal, grow, and guide Helping you notice and taste goodness and truth in, around, and through you That you may learn to trust (maybe be surprised by!) your experience and the invitations of this Inner Voice of Love Who brings good fruit from the Wisdom Tree to the celebration of your Authentic Presence who knows what you need in this moment at the Table of Divine Nourishment. Do you feel safe in your own body? Do you feel at home? Embodied spirituality is spirituality with skin on. After all, any kind of experience we have, spiritual or otherwise, is because we exist within these bodies of ours! An authentic spirituality is one in which we tend to both the inner and outer world. Our body is tended to as part of the whole where spirituality and physicality are intertwined. We see this gift and mystery of incarnation in John 1:14, “The Word became flesh and dwelt among us.” Several thousand years before these words were penned, the Hebrew Bible spoke of the “nephesh” or “soul.” Rather than the Platonic idea of something that is separate from the body, "soul" in the Hebrew language indicated a unified, living, breathing physical being (so “soul” is not something we have, but something we are!). Viewed this way, our thoughts about and tending to our bodies can (and need to) be part of our spiritual practice. Our bodies can also tend to us by offering wisdom and guidance. As I participated in the spontaneity of Authentic Movement one day, my right hand effortlessly went to my heart while my left hand went to my back. I stood there for a moment, wondering what was being communicated to me. It took a few minutes for my rational mind to catch the meaning and make it conscious: “Support your heart” was my body’s message to me. This led me to purposely engage some heart-opening stretches and heart-grounding exercises. The message still stayed with me until I realized that it was another season in my life that I needed to pursue a therapist, one who could help me with some painful relationships and the release of stress and grief related to those relationships. Tears came to my eyes with this moment of recognition. My body felt like a caring friend. I often do not treat it as such. Especially when I get caught up in judgement and critique, then I'm apt to be harsh toward or ignore my body. As Father Richard Rohr has said, "How we see anything is how we see everything!" If I'm evaluating, judging, and critiquing my body, I'm more apt to be evaluating, judging, and critiquing everything (& everyone) else! And the opposite is true, as I welcome and listen for Wisdom through my body, I'm more apt to welcome and listen for Wisdom in everything (& everyone) else! In listening and tending, I become a safer, more hospitable place--and not just for myself. This is no selfish pursuit...for when we feel at home in our own bodies, we can help others feel at home in their bodies, too. If you do not feel at home in your body, you are not alone. There are many reasons why we may not feel safe in our own bodies. There are stories of wounds behind our reluctance to listen to, or even believe, our bodies hold Wisdom. Maybe, it's time to schedule a session with a Spiritual Director or a therapist! The first time I engaged Authentic Movement last month, I knew it was the spiritual practice I had been looking for during this particular season of my life! While I appreciate a variety of moving meditations and body practices such as qigong and yoga, Authentic Movement invited me to be surprised by spontaneity. I had no idea how my body wanted to move and I was not going to tell it how to move...I was going to let it show me! Following the gentle promptings of Spiritual Director, Julie Leavitt, during her workshop on "Authentic Movement and the Sacred Body" at Spiritual Directors International's virtual conference, I was curious as to why my body was moving like an inflatable air dancer. After the time of movement, I sat down and wrote these words, "I am the one who is encouraged to move big and freely, to move in the natural way my body leads rather than listening to or moving according to 'shoulds.' God says to me, 'You are free. You are free to move. You are free to speak, create. Follow what is natural. You are grounded, do not be afraid.' This is a practice I've been looking for! A way of trusting the inner wisdom flowing through the body." It spoke right into what had been weighing heavy on me. Who knew that in moving like an inflatable air dancer, my body would offer me such grounding and affirmation?! After that, I decided to not only continue a weekly practice of Authentic Movement, but keep this in my spiritual toolbox for any directee that needed to get into their body. Not surprising, the following week, two people were in need of listening to the wisdom flowing through their bodies. Their experience of Authentic Movement is best summed up by one who afterwards, sat down and much to her mind's surprise said, "Whoa, I just had a mystical experience!" No matter how large or small the movement, the Spirit of God can speak. Want to give it a try?
*If you have a compassionate witness present like a Spiritual Director, you might allow them to simply share with you what they observed and/or continue with what you experienced in your time of Spiritual Direction. |
AuthorKasey is a scarf, ball and club juggling spiritual director just outside of Nashville, TN. Play helps her Type-A, Enneagram 1 personality relax, creating space for poetry and other words to emerge. She also likes playing with theological ideas like perichoresis, and all the ways we're invited into this Triune dance. Archives
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