 A pastel drawing made with eyes closed to remind myself to simply "be" when it is hard to see. What a strange Holy Week! Episodes of vertigo and dizziness have lingered for ten days now.
The kind of vertigo I am experiencing (BPPV) often has no known cause, although it can be triggered by stress. I happened to be stretching my neck at the time. I also happen to be in a season of stress, marked by both positive & negative events. In this uncomfortable and disorienting place I find myself in, I cannot help but think of that first Holy Week long ago and how that one week stretch must have been so disorienting for those early followers of Jesus! Heads left spinning, wondering what was going on... From Palm Sunday to Good Friday and then to Easter…to go from what seemed overwhelmingly positive to overwhelmingly negative to overwhelmingly positive again…what a whiplash of a week! The human mind & body can only take so much (as I am being reminded).* A swirl of activity and inactivity. A dizzying array of events. A murky clash of praise and blame. Movement at warp-speed through the wisdom pattern of order, disorder, and reorder. Currently in disorder, I am being forced to slow down, to wait and see. When I don't, here comes the lightheadedness, as my body offers a warning that I am not to interrupt the healing process, so stop and be still. It feels like the in-between time of Holy Saturday. When one is trying to grasp what has and is happening to cause such a state, when waves of strong feelings and sensations come and go, exhaustion sets in from the strain. In such a place, trying harder eventually runs its course and one is invited to surrender. And remember. It’s usually in looking back that I see the transformation or wisdom gained through a disorienting period of time. Sometimes there is no clarity about a lesson learned or gift given, just an ever-deepening invitation to trust in the healing, transforming presence and slow work of God. The same was (& is) true of the followers of Jesus. Holy Triduum blessings to you (even if it feels more like a disorienting rather than a blessed time). ________________________________________________________ *Allowing for help during overwhelm is important and is part of surrendering (letting go of the "I can do it on my own" mentality). I am grateful for access to healthcare, like a walk-in clinic and a physical therapist specializing in vestibular rehabilitation, a reminder that once well, to find a simple way to encourage such accessibility for others. And I am thankful for the grace & support of my supervisor, counselor, directees, friends and family members. Comments are closed.
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AuthorKasey is a scarf, ball and club juggling spiritual director just outside of Nashville, TN. Play helps her Type-A, Enneagram 1 personality relax, creating space for poetry and other words to emerge. She also likes playing with theological ideas like perichoresis, and all the ways we're invited into this Triune dance. Archives
February 2023
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