Criticism & Curiosity Part Two (Toward Others)

I told a friend the other day that as more political signs go up around me, the angrier I become.  Most assuredly I wouldn’t be as angry if they aligned with my own ideology…how telling! 
 
My reaction reminds me of the immense draw to live on the level of agreement. 
Do I agree or disagree?  If the latter, criticism comes quickly followed by detaching from the author, politician, doctor, Facebook friend, family member, neighbor…write them off…case closed, act as if everything is fine.     

But this kind of dissociation never works for me in the long run.  It's not case closed.  Pretending, ignoring, and stuffing feelings ultimately turns into back pain and headaches which is not loving myself (which then leads to the inability to truly love my neighbor).  See last week's post for more on loving oneself.
 
The growing rift, polarization, and lack of neighborliness leads me to ask, “Who is my neighbor?” 
I can’t help but think of Jesus’ parable of an enemy coming to one’s rescue in a time of need (see The Good Samaritan).  Or his words in the famous Sermon on the Mount,
 
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…" Matthew 5: 43-44
 
Ugh.  How do you actually do this?

Realizing that we see our own reflection in the faces of others—both the shadow and the light—can add to the pressure.   The shadow within is hard enough to face, it can be twice as hard when I see it in the face of others (if I’m even willing to admit I do)!
 
Who wants to admit that the narcissism detested in someone else can be a mirror reflecting the narcissism residing within one's self?  Note: This doesn’t excuse or downplay the narcissistic actions by the other. 
 
When Jesus boldly expanded on his Jewish lineage saying that not only are our neighbors those who belong to our family/group and those on the margins of our family/group, but so are our enemies, it must have stunned his audience. 

Even though it was consistent with his teachings about the Kingdom of God and  his prayer that life on earth reflect life in heaven, we sadistically like the idea of some people not being included.        

But the love of God includes everyone. Jesus reminds his listeners, right after telling them to love their enemies,  that God sends rain for those who do right and those who do wrong.  And like the moon reflects the sun, we're to reflect God.     

So how do we integrate the shadow and light of others, especially that of our enemies?  And why should we even try?
   
 When it comes to why, enemy-hating takes up a lot of space in our inner world.  It crowds out what is life-giving. 

Jesus knew the fruit that hate bears.  ​It depletes our inner energy and resources, crippling our ability to live a life of Love within and without. ​

“Hatred destroys finally the core of the life of the hater…hatred tends to dry up the springs of creative thought in the life of the hater, so that his resourcefulness becomes completely focused on the negative aspects of his environment.” 
         -Howard Thurman, Jesus and the Disinherited, 76-77.

Whoever we hate holds power over us.  When we release the hate, we release their power over us, and free up that energy to love.  Hatred, like love, may start out small (one act or one person), but it quickly overflows into everything and everyone. 

So again, what are we to do?  How can we begin to release criticism, anger, and hate?
 
Since curiosity is helping me release the anger and criticism toward myself, I’ve been experimenting with curiosity in the shift toward loving my neighbor/enemy. 

What might happen if I chose curiosity over criticism with my "neighbor"?     
 
Another political sign went up, this time with a flag on the porch of someone I’ve never met.  Going past their residence, I looked at the signage and their house with curiosity: 

• I wonder what has led this person to put the sign in their yard along with a flag on their porch.  Why both and not just one?
• I’m curious, why are they so passionate about this person being elected?  What are they afraid will happen if this person isn’t elected?
• Is there a particular issue that is close to their heart? 
• Are they friends with anyone who believes differently?  If so, what are their conversations like?
• If I (or my kids) were in trouble, I wonder what they would do.  

 
After a few wonderings & questions (without providing hypothetical answers!), I found my face softening and a willingness to actually have a real conversation rather than a hardening and hiding in my anger.  Honestly, I was surprised.
 
I experimented with a friend when the conversation turned to politics and we wanted to criticize a group of people.  When we shifted to curiosity, the critique faded.  Surprise again!
   
The most recent opportunity happened when someone disagreed with my schooling choice for my kids.  I asked some questions instead of focusing on defending myself.  They began asking questions.  We left the conversation still having differing opinions, but smiling and looking forward to future conversations.
 
Curiosity may be the spiritual practice for this season. 

May it be a step on the path of peace, a way of wisdom, a beginning in embodying the love of God, especially toward all of those putting up political signs!