A poem written in 2013 about what led me to meditation & other contemplative practices years ago. All my old ways of finding God kept failing And one rage-filled day I stopped trying Sat down wondering if I was worth finding Let go of seeking and began trusting And breathing. Many are the ways seeming right to a man I started recalling My ways kept putting me in charge of the finding who the Psalmist found futile escaping. Once you close or lower your eyes during your time of meditation, you're bound to deal with inner traffic! What are you to do?
Do you yell at it for existing? Just as you wouldn't literally stand on a sidewalk and yell at traffic for existing (although sometimes it's tempting), there's no need to yell at the traffic within you for being there! It's simply doing what it normally does. Having inner noise with it's plethora of racing and honking is part of being human. Do you run out into it? We tell kids not to! However, sometimes in meditation it may indeed feel like we're caught up in a dizzying array of thoughts and feelings whizzing past us or we're trapped in the middle of a traffic jam with no way out! Whether it feels like there's no way out or you've got internal vertigo, allow yourself to come back to center through your body. You might gently return your attention to your breath, listen to the sounds in the room, relax your eyes, or ever-so-lightly correct your posture by dropping your shoulders or straightening your slumped spine. Very simple body awareness can return us to a state of noticing the traffic rather than being one with it! Do you try to jump in one of the cars or climb on the bus? If it's moving, it can be especially dangerous! Whether parked or already in motion, during meditation this is what is called "finding yourself engaged in a thought or feeling". At this point you've not just noticed the cars moving across the highway of your consciousness, someone yelled out the window inviting you to hop on in and the next thing you know, you're in the passenger's seat! You may have even taken the wheel! No worries, though. You're not being forced to go anywhere against your will! Simply return to your sacred word (if engaging Centering Prayer), your calming/meditative image, your breath, or what you hear in the room. You may find yourself doing this again and again, during your time of meditation, especially when traffic is heavy! That's okay. Each time you do, you freely choose the way of life by coming back to the present moment rather than speeding off into the future or heading back to the past. When it comes to inner traffic, meditation invites us to simply be aware of it. Let each taxi, moped, jeep, and minivan come and go. Know that some days or times of day you may be in the middle of rush hour. Other days may be lighter traffic. Some vehicles may take longer to drive by than others. No need to lose heart. God's love is boundless, encompassing you and every thought, feeling and bodily sensation that arises, endures, and passes away. And there is nowhere these cars, trucks, vans or buses can take you that God is not! One day last week, I had just begun my twenty minutes of silent meditation, known as Centering Prayer, when I began to hear the sound of a synthesizer from 1986. Not long after, I heard the voice of El DeBarge sing out, "Who's Johnny? she said and smiled in her special way..." I was not smiling. I couldn't even remember the last time I heard this song. Maybe you can't either. For a refresher, I've posted the video below so you can better imagine this scene with me...go ahead, have it playing while you continue to read. I certainly didn't expect to hear it during my time of Centering Prayer! My husband had no idea I was downstairs in silent meditation. I had no idea why he was listening to El DeBarge in the room beside me (especially early in the morning)! I was just about to yell, "Hey, what in the world are you doing? I'm in the middle of centering prayer!" when suddenly I remembered some words from author and former Trappist monk, James Finley. I had been reading his book, Christian Meditation: Experiencing the Presence of God and he repeatedly addresses external and internal distractions that occur during silent meditation. When they come (as they always have and always will because we're human), Finley advises that we:
Here was an excellent opportunity to enter more deeply into Finley's words and into my meditation practice! So I internally gave El DeBarge permission to endure and returned to an inner meditative awareness. What was I aware of inside? It certainly wasn't a peaceful calm! It was anger and annoyance! I wanted to yell out, "Hey! Enough of El DeBarge already!" Perhaps a deeper, inner curiosity won out because rather than resist them, I decided to allow my feelings of anger and annoyance to arise, endure, and pass away. They endured a long time. When the feelings did pass, a thought took their place. This thought pointed out how much I want (even demand) things to go my way...or else! I expected silence with no distractions for 20 minutes and the moment I did not get what I wanted, my anger surged to the surface! I don't know about you, but when I have an expectation, I tend to expect it to turn out like I envisioned (perfectly). And if it doesn't, I just know it will be ruined (or at least that's how my thinking goes). Have you ever considered how much you internally (or externally) demand things go your way? One of the benefits of meditation is one becomes more aware of things like this! Though insightful, this thought wanted me to cling to it and spend time mulling it over, perhaps devise a plan for transformation or soak in shame. Instead my time of meditation was inviting me to let ALL arise, endure, and pass away. In specific Centering Prayer language, the moment I notice I'm engaged with (clinging to) the thought, I gently return to my sacred word, the symbol of my intention to consent to God's presence and action within. Entrusting all of my responses and reactions (and plans for transformation) into God's hands, I allowed myself to return to the deepest truth offered in the present moment--I am fully loved by God just as I am. The humbling thought about my expectations eventually passed away and there was a brief calm (but even that is not to be clung to!). I would like to say I continued to neither cling to nor resist any distraction, that I allowed every external sound and internal feeling, thought, memory and bodily sensation to arise, endure, and pass away. BUT, half-way through Scritti Politti singing their 1985 hit, "Perfect Way"...
Do you really think more thinking is needed right now? Especially when what we're dealing with is a sickness of the mind! With sad eyes the soul whispers “Stop” (as it always has) Did Saint Paul not say the same to the good folks of Galatia? With a humble heart (admitting the -ism existing in yourself) sit in Silence Without mistaking such Silence for absence or worse, indifference! The soul knows how to wait for salvation from its Source. And do you remember Jesus speaking to his disciples-- What does it take for some demonic powers to leave? Prayer and fasting. So ask, then close your lips and listen. Until clenched fists open until anxiety and anger slip through your fingers Until you receive in your now-ready head, heart, and hands that which you are to give for the healing of this, your world. Driving my kids back to Tennessee from my rowdy and fun family's 65th reunion in Pennsylvania several weeks ago, I asked my kids to tell me about their favorite moments of our trip. My shy 10-year-old daughter said, "Well, my favorite thing is that I surprised myself...I actually carried on conversations with people! I was even funny. AND, I surprised myself because I actually enjoyed it!" Her surprise was met by my own, for I was not only overjoyed but completely caught off-guard, not expecting to hear this out of my quiet, catlike girl, especially not as her favorite part of the trip! It was a good reminder of how we often pigeonhole ourselves and others. The term "pigeonhole" was first used in 1864 to describe placing a person or thing in a narrow or confined category that resembles a literal hole a pigeon roosts in. As you can imagine and see from the picture, the borders of the pigeonholes tend to be pretty rigid so it's up to the one roosting to leave the safety of the confined space. Speaking from experience, we often let our expectations keep us from discovering and entering into the "new thing" the Spirit of God is inviting us to discover, whether it be within or without. Instead we keep rehearsing (& posting) old stories and viewpoints. A look over our social media posts or reflecting on recent conversations inside our heads or with others can reveal a pigeonhole or two we roost in. But might our continued pigeonholing be fear in disguise? For once we venture outside a particular pigeonhole we can no longer dwell within that hole again. After my daughter said she surprised herself by enjoying a conversation, she can no longer claim she's too shy to carry on a conversation (or enjoy doing so)! Bursting out of the pigeonhole takes courage...what a beautiful spiritual practice she invited me (and now you) into! Let's try it: * Take a moment and look at the above pigeonholes. Maybe even sketch them out and put a word in each box that you would use to describe yourself (begin with yourself then branch out to another person or situation). * Now let the below words from Isaiah 43 or II Corinthians 5 blow through your pigeonholes. “Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?" "...we don’t evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don’t look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it!" * Whether experienced as a gentle breeze or wild wind, stay with it for a few moments. Notice which words are being ruffled. You may experience this as a feeling of resistance or fear around a particular word, you may have immediate knowledge as to which word is being blown forward, or you may be more visual and imagine how the words are affected. * Is there a particular pigeonhole you're being invited to step out of? Write it down, pray, and tell someone! This will help you spread your wings and fly, carried by the currents of the Ruach, the Holy Wind. And, you may even find, much to your surprise, you enjoy it! Over the years, the simplest and best prayer practice I've found for healing our image of God and teaching kids how God loves them is based on a prayer found in Matt, Dennis & Sheila Linn's book, Simple Ways to Pray for Healing. In that book and in a previous book, Healing Our Image of God, they reiterate how we become like the God we adore! So if the God we worship is critical, judgmental and condemning, guess what? We're going to be critical, judgmental and condemning! If the God we picture is stoic and distant...you got it...we're going to be stoic and distant. And this can be passed along from generation to generation. One way to heal our image of God is to realize that God loves us at least as much as the person who has loved us most. Take a moment to consider your image of God. What words or images would you use to describe your view or understanding of God? Would you like others to describe you in these ways? If not, your image of God may be in need of healing. Or perhaps parts of you have a healthy view of God and parts of you do not. This prayer has been instrumental in the on-going healing of my own image of God. My inner critic can often have a very sanctimonious sounding voice and when I'm vulnerable I can easily mistake it as God's until I bring to mind a person who has loved me most. This immediately exposes the false god and I am able to not only receive God's love but let God join me in my vulnerable place (which is transforming). After facilitating this prayer with countless people, I've tweaked it from how it appears in the Linn's book, like adding the love of a pet because some people cannot recall a person who has loved them in a healthy way. Or sometimes a pet is how God wants to best communicate love to us at a given time. Here's the prayer for you to try: Receiving God's Love through the Person or Pet Who Loves You Most
I hope you'll try this prayer for a week and see what happens! A bonus is that it makes us even more grateful for the person or pet who has loved us so well...and what happens then? We cannot help but love them back! It becomes a love circle of giving and receiving (which is exactly what the Trinity is)!! Now that's a beautiful image of God! Remember those moments of synchronicity I spoke about last week? Well I had another string of "meaningful coincidences" I want to pay attention to and share. At the end of the class on the heart of Jewish spirituality at Congregation Ohabai Sholom, Rabbi Rami Shapiro was asked what practice he would suggest for all of us. His answer was to enter more deeply into the "Sh-ma Yisrael," also known as the Shema, the prayerful recitation of Deuteronomy 6:4-9. Remember, another Rabbi's answer was the same...Jesus told others to live into the Shema, calling it the greatest and most important commandment of all. Here is the Complete Jewish Bible's translation: 4 “Sh’ma, Yisra’el! Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai echad [Hear, Isra’el! Adonai our God, Adonai is one]; 5 and you are to love Adonai your God with all your heart, all your being and all your resources. 6 These words, which I am ordering you today, are to be on your heart; 7 and you are to teach them carefully to your children. You are to talk about them when you sit at home, when you are traveling on the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them on your hand as a sign, put them at the front of a headband around your forehead, 9 and write them on the door-frames of your house and on your gates. Two ways of entering more deeply into the Shema that Rabbi Rami mentioned were the mezuzah and breath prayer.
While I plan on getting a mezuzah, I began that night to breathe in and out each word of the Shema. The next day my family ate at a local restaurant and two Jewish women came up to our table out of the blue to offer encouragement to me. Why? I have no idea. Curious. I joked with Russ that they could sense I had been praying the Shema! Afterwards I went home, read a message from a friend who had asked me to recommend a Frederick Beuchner book. After recommending a few, I walked upstairs to my bookcase and spotted the first Beuchner book I had ever read, A Room Called Remember. The last time I read it had been well over a decade. Randomly I opened it up and what did I see? Staring back at me was Deuteronomy 6:4-7...the Shema! Under the Scripture, Buechner writes, "'Hear, O Israel!' says the great text in Deuteronomy where Moses calls out to his people in the wilderness. Hear, O Israel! Hear! Listen! And not just O Israel, hear, but O World, O Everybody, O Thou, O every last man and woman of us because we are all of us called to become Israel by hearing..." As I mentioned last week, synchronicity beckons us to pay attention! The word "Shema" means "Hear!" and this isn't just the gathering of sounds which can go in one ear and out the other. Watch the short animation below for a fantastic word study on "Shema" by The Bible Project. Given the meaning of the word and how it keeps coming up, clearly I'm to hear something! Perhaps there's something here for you, too. You may have read Adonai translated as LORD, but it can also be translated as The NAME, or Ineffable. Why? Watch the second short animation for a great explanation of the word's background. In addition, not only was the Divine Name so sacred that it was not to be pronounced, but some Jewish scholars taught that YHWH was ineffable because it was not a pronounceable word at all...it was the sound of breathing! This would go along with the name's etymology, God's Name does not indicate a being but Being itself. And this is beyond words! You might muse over God's Name, breathing and existence for a little while... Now for the breath prayer. If you've never heard the words of the Shema spoken in Hebrew, you can listen to them being read and sung here. Practice silently saying the words with a slow, relaxed inhale and exhale. In breath- Shema (pronounced Sheh-MA) Out breath- Yisrael (Yis-rah-EL) In breath- Adonai (Ah-do-NAI) Out breath- Eloheinu (Eh-lo-HEY-noo) In breath- Adonai Out breath- Echad (Eh-KHAD) As we regularly breathe the prayer, the hope as Rabbi Rami points out is to help one's consciousness to shift so one sees God in, with, and as all reality and one's interactions with others are marked with compassion. May it be so. Lent is a time of fasting, reflection and fighting our devils in the desert. We enter into it with Jesus' own 40 days of fasting in mind. What sustained him? I cannot help but think it was his memory of what happened beforehand. Right before Jesus was led into the silence and solitude of the wilderness for 40 days, he was baptized where he received an image and words. At that time He saw the Holy Spirit descend upon Him like a dove and He heard the Father’s voice say from heaven, “You are my Son, the Beloved, with you I am well pleased.” Whether or not we're participating in a Lenten fast, we will come up against plenty of temptation, wilderness and desert seasons. What image or words will help us remember who is with us and who we are? For God knows all of us need something to hold onto. If you do not have a sustaining image, pause in prayer and ask God for an image or memory to accompany you. "God, what image would you like to offer me in the quiet of my heart? I remain open to You, to whatever You would like to bring to mind, whether familiar or new. If nothing comes, I patiently wait knowing You will bring an image if it is needed. I go on with my day trusting you, for even the Cloud of Unknowing is an image of trust." As to the words, perhaps you already have been offered a phrase like 14th century Julian of Norwich's "All shall be well" or a Scripture. It may be the perfect time to bring it to mind again. We can also remember that the very words offered to Jesus by his Abba are offered to us as well. We can pause to listen and receive the words, “You are my child, the beloved, with you I am well pleased.” Close your eyes and imagine them spoken to you. Receive them again and again, allowing these words to move from your eyes and ears, to head, heart and every cell of your body, like Mary, Jesus' mother did (and perhaps taught him to!). God knows exactly what can and will sustain you in the times of wilderness and desert. Sometimes what is truest is not what is seen or heard with our physical eyes and ears but what is hidden within us, what has been treasured and pondered in our hearts. Lent invites us to return to and remember those words and images. A blessing for the journey: "May God-given life-giving images and words companion each of us in times we feel lost, alone, struggling, weary, thirsty and hungry. May we be reminded of our belovedness, a security that can sustain us. And in remembering, may our eyes be opened that we may see the belovedness of others and become life-giving images and words to all who are lost, alone, struggling, weary, thirsty and hungry." Looking for a Personal or Family Prayer Practice for Lent? Try the Ancient Awareness Examen2/28/2017
While not mentioned in the Bible, Lent, a season of self-examination and penitence leading up to Easter, has been observed by Christians since the 2nd century. It evolved into the current 40 days beginning on Ash Wednesday in the 6th century. When it comes to self-examinations, my favorite is the 16th century Awareness Examen by Saint Ignatius of Loyola (the founder of the Jesuit religious order). He thought examining the moments of "consolation" and "desolation" to be so instrumental to one's prayer life that during the Council of Trent when the Jesuits asked if they could skip their prayer exercises because they were so busy, his response was they could skip anything but the Examen. Noticing God's presence in their daily lives would help them best draw near to and follow God during such a busy time. As we draw near to God though examining our daily life, we discover three gifts--balance, wholeness and discernment. Rather than rushing through a day and labeling it all "good" or "bad," I can gently look back over it, discovering there was more than met my hurried eye. Moments I thought insignificant end up being full of meaning, at times offering a completely different or at least a more balanced perspective of the day I labeled. Rather than being a product of my personality, the lens with which I view the world is offered a gentle corrective. Perhaps you're like one of my children who sees the world through a more negative lens, it's harder for her to remember her happiest moment in a given day. Or you may see the world through overly-positive eyes, ignoring the moments of anger and sadness. No matter what our lens, the Examen helps us consider parts of our day and ourselves we may not naturally see. As we do, we are reminded that God welcomes the whole of us and is fully with us in and speaking through every kind of moment. Rather than letting life live me, regularly engaging the Examen and even keeping a record of my reflections offer keys for discernment from my own life to guide my life. Looking back over our moments of "consolation" and "desolation" we may see themes and patterns emerge. Clarity for decisions and callings become apparent in reviewing what has been life-giving and life-draining or where God's presence has been most experienced. This prayerful look over one's day or week can be done daily or weekly after dinner-time or before going to sleep. We can practice it privately or communally. Both children and adults can engage the Examen which takes about 15 minutes. So find a quiet place, a family member or friend, and begin your time of reflection. Awareness Examen A version of St. Ignatius’ 16th century prayer by Kasey Hitt (2006-2007), Mark Yaconelli's Sabbath Retreat (2003), and Dennis, Sheila and Matthew Linn’s book, Sleeping with Bread: Holding What Gives You Life. Silence You might choose to light a candle as a reminder of the Holy Spirit’s presence, take a few slow, deep breaths, place your hand on your heart, or pray this Psalm, “God, examine me and know my heart, test me and know my concerns. Make sure that I am not on my way to ruin, and guide me on the road of eternity.” (Psalm 139:23-24) Events of the Day Ask God to help you look over your day (or week) and bring to your mind & heart the following two questions. (Choose one set beforehand) For what moment today am I most grateful? For what moment today am I least grateful? When did I feel the most alive today? When did I most feel life draining out of me today? When did I feel closest to God (or sense I was moving toward God) today? When did I feel most distant from God (or sense I was moving away from God) today? For young children: When were you happiest today? When were you maddest or saddest today? What did you feel good about today? What was your biggest struggle today (when did you feel sad, helpless or angry)? Thanksgiving & Forgiveness Hang out in your moment of thanksgiving, relive it in your mind's eye as a way of gratitude. Receive again the gifts offered to you in that moment and offer thanks to God. Recall the moment you are least grateful for without trying to change or fix it; be open to receive from God whatever God would like to offer. It may be the invitation to repentance, forgiveness, comfort, instruction, the nudge to ask for help, etc. Help for Tomorrow In your own words, thank God for today and ask God for help for tomorrow, whatever the need may be. Or close with this prayer: "God, thank you for the ways you are with us everyday, in every moment, loving us just as much in our best moments as in our worst. May we place this day in Your hands and trust that you will guide, teach and companion us through the day tomorrow. Help us learn to notice Your presence and invitations in our lives. In Christ's Name, Amen." If doing the Examen with others, share your two moments and allow your prayer for one another to flow from the sharing. Whether alone or with others, I hope you'll try this prayer practice at least 7 times over the next 7 weeks and see what happens! You might choose to keep a journal so at the end you can look back and see what patterns emerge offering discernment. Blessings to you this Lenten season! Discernment is key to spiritual growth and having an adult faith. Rather than looking for someone else to "tell you what to do or believe," how does one sift through the options, choices and voices using Biblical wisdom? Well let's give it a try. Pick an issue for discernment. This could be the way you are currently praying or living, a choice or difficulty you're confronted with, options you're mulling over, a theological belief you're questioning, a relationship situation, or a change that's approaching. Use the questions below. With your issue for discernment in mind, you're going to ask questions springing from the overall themes of Scripture. It's true, one can pull any Scripture from its context to justify any belief or choice. However, just as Jesus summed up the entire Law in two commands, there are what I call “summing up” Scriptures and stories that remind us of overall themes repeated again and again in the Bible. Here is my current list of questions and their summing up references:
As I practice asking myself these questions and allowing them to run through my mind in spiritual direction, they become the unconscious filters through which I see, listen and think. Over the years I've added questions, been led deeper into the questions and discovered when/how I need to invite others into the questions (a dialogue that is different than having someone else make my decisions or tell me what to believe). Such questions can also guide communal discernment. May these questions be signposts and gateways along your path of discernment.
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AuthorKasey is a scarf, ball and club juggling spiritual director just outside of Nashville, TN. Play helps her Type-A, Enneagram 1 personality relax, creating space for poetry and other words to emerge. She also likes playing with theological ideas like perichoresis, and all the ways we're invited into this Triune dance. Archives
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